Gratitude

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Sorry, I haven’t done my gratitude posts. Lately, I’ve just forgotten. Plain and simple, I forgot. I want to do posts on what I’m grateful for. So here’s this gratitude post.

  1.  Being healthy, so many people take it for granted, and given the time with the virus going around, people forget that being healthy and staying healthy is not a guarantee.
  2. School, starting school back up, made me realize how much I missed it lol. I didn’t know how much I wanted to be back in school. People can take getting an education for granted, but when it makes you happy, you realize how lucky you are to be in school.
  3. Learning to sew, I’ve wanted to learn to sew for so long, and mom taught me a long time ago, and I forgot how to do it. I’m glad I’ve learned to use a sewing machine again. I’ve made masks for family and friends. I’m going to make aprons and bags along with some hot pads. Then I’m going to make my first quilt. I’m getting all the spooky cloth together so I can make it. I also got coth to create a future baby blanket. I want to have kids, and I know one day I’ll have at least one.
  4. The stimulus check the government gave everyone, I know I have money for bills, but being able to pay a little extra on my bills is nice.
  5. Movies since they’ve been keeping me entertained when not doing school work and before school started.
  6. Knowing how to follow a recipe. Some people can get quite confused with recipes if they don’t know how to follow one. I’ve found reading through the recipe a couple times than working on making what it talks about helps so much.
  7. Cookbooks, I love being able to read on how to cook things. I love learning how to cook new things.
  8.  Knowing how to bake. Baking seems to bring me the most happiness. I love being able to learn to bake, then coming up with my own recipes.
  9. My best friend because she loves me for who I am. I love her for who she is, and I always will. I’m so happy to be a godmother to her kids. I love her little mini-me’s lol.
  10.  For all the people who have been working through this virus. Doctors, Nurses, janitors, food workers, Delivery people, CNA’s, grocery store workers, truck drivers, farmers, people who work at homeless shelters, those who work at essential businesses risking getting infected, and anyone who helps those who need it no matter what.

School started back up online

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I can’t believe that I spent most of the week, not writing. It feels so weird. I thoroughly enjoy writing, so it surprised me that I didn’t write for so long. So what have I been up to?

I’ve been learning to sew masks and hot pads lol. I baked a milk and honey bread that tasted amazing as french toast. We haven’t left the house except to get food from the store and check the post office. I was going to make mini lemon bundt cakes, but the lemons were bad, and we didn’t have enough money to buy some more.

School starts back up with classes being only offered online. I’ve been trying to get things taken care of for school. Making sure I get my books and getting things watched that need to be watched beforehand. I have to be in the zoom classroom on Monday for ASL. There’s supposed to be a deaf event done for it, but that might change due to how things are going with this virus. It should be interesting to learn ASL entirely online. Math seems more straight forward than my last math class. Communications is reasonably straight forward as well. I’ve been watching the intro videos that we can watch now and reading the material.

I’ve been just trying to keep my mind busy since I’ve been cooped up in the house. I’m trying not to slip into a depression and making sure I’m doing productive things. I’ve been trying to do something good for me mentally, even when I don’t feel like doing it.

We’re not really going to celebrate easter. Never really have celebrated it. But everyone in the baking community has been making carrot cakes for easter.

It’s easter. So I guess happy easter. Just going to make potato soup for dinner and possibly grilled cheese with the milk and honey bread I made. Going to finish creating the masks, then clean the kitchen along with doing the dishes. The kitchen is a complete mess, and I don’t like it, so I’m going to clean it.

I’ve been hooked to listening to music at night before I go to sleep. I forgot how much I enjoy hard rock. Been listening to Five Finger Death Punch, Korn, Disturbed, and Godsmack along with a few others. I haven’t listened to them for a long time, and I remember how much I enjoy those artists.

School just started, and I’m uncertain of how it’s going to go being entirely online. My teachers are doing their best to help up with figuring it out.

I did my first zoom class today, and that was for ASL. Trying to figure out how it all works, and it seems that’s going to be the only zoom I have during the week. I had to keep my mic muted since my dogs like to bark at any noise they hear. It took me a few to get mine figured out cause I didn’t realize I needed to click on my mic so I could listen to them.

I got what homework I could do for communications and with ASL. I watched what videos I needed to know what homework to do. I read through the modules and saw what I needed to for that week’s course work. I still need to work on math. I plan on doing that and my ASL video tomorrow. Apparently, we’re doing the vocab on our own to teach the rest of the class how to sign the words. We’re also going to sign a story about Mr. Potatohead lol.

I got what school work I could do for the day, and I also went and check the post office for my check. I put that in the bank then came home and paid bills go me.

It’ll be nice to change my focus on something other than boredom. I’ve been mentally going nuts, not leaving the house very much. I didn’t realize how much I try to keep myself busy, so I’m not stuck in my head. After going through DBT, I did what I needed to, so I didn’t dwell on things around me. I hate being stuck in my head most days. I guess I struggle with thinking about things that’ll make me unhappy. Overthinking is my biggest downfall for myself mentally. When I do that, I end up becoming increasingly depressed. It’s best to try not to focus on the bad and nonexistent, which people with BPD tend to do.

I’m planning on reading my communications book and try to get ahead in that class, well, as much as I can. There’s quite a bit of reading to do in that class. Oh, I should print out the study guides on the modules. Okay, I just tried to get into the module, and it is not open, yet so I have to wait until next week.

Brandon got excepted into a college over in New York. I’m not going with him. I have no desire to leave, and besides, I want to stay with my mom and help her when she needs it. I’m happy here, and I don’t want to leave. I’m happy for Brandon, and if he wants to go, it’s his choice, not mine. I don’t tell him what he can or can’t do with his life. I’m genuinely happy for him. He might be leaving at the end of August if he can get the money together to go for the fall quarter. If not, he’s going to leave for the spring quarter. He’ll be at that school for four years to get his masters with cooking. He wants to expand his knowledge and abilities with food. He feels this school will open up doorways for his future and to open the type of restaurant he wants.

So we got our stimulus check, which is going to go for bills. I need to pay down some credit cards. Paid on the phone bill.

I’ve been doing math even though I hate it, but at least I’m doing it. I’ll get through this class no matter what. I’ll do my group work and tests as soon as I can, and I’m going to get as much as the online stuff done as I can. I want to pass it even though I hate doing it. I’ll say there’s not as much required in this math class as my other math class. So it should be easy to get a passing grade.

Oh, I thought I would have more to talk about with starting school this week. Guess I was wrong, lol.

So, what to talk about?

I’m slowly getting things done that I need to for school. Right now, I’m turning in my test for ASL. Though the dogs started being noisy while I recorded my ASL video, thankfully, they didn’t full-blown start barking. I can only imagine what people would say if I yelled out in the middle of my video to get the dogs a damn carrot lol. I wish it didn’t take so long to upload the videos for ASL.

I feel like I’m not being very productive with not going to the school for classes or work-study. Though I found out today since we can’t go on campus to do our hours, we’re going to be awarded half of our money, and if they stay closed after may, then we’ll be awarded the other half. I missed when I used to take the bus there and sit in the bakery with Brandon and work on my next blog post. I probably could get up and do those sorts of things and then do my homework like I used to. Right now, I’m getting up in the morning and taking my sweet ass time to wake up before working on homework.

Everyone got stimulus checks from the government. We used ours to pay on some bills and put a little bit aside for more bills. It would be nice if they did the $2,000 a month for everyone since a lot of people can’t work right now. But I know that’s wishful thinking, but it would be helpful for bills. It was nice for the one time, so we could get some bills paid that needed to be paid.

I need to stop eating so much lol. Being stuck at home, I’m eating more than I should. I hope I haven’t gained too much weight. I need to do better at taking care of myself.

We’ve made masks for us to go out and about. We don’t have gloves to wear, though.

I’m getting what I need done for school for this week. I need to do the rest of my math and the last video for ASL. I want to get ahead for communications. I have a lot to read for it, and I need to write a long post for a discussion. I only have two more homework for math. The video I need to do for ASL needs to talk about potato head comic strip and do a story about it. I haven’t come up with my story yet, but I can get it written up tonight, and I’ll make the video tomorrow. I have to make sure I write it out in gloss and English. Gloss is when it’s written in ASL. Get done what I need to for the day and do my homework.

I hope everyone is doing well even though the virus is going around. I hope everyone is safe and healthy.

Learning new things

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I’m going to be making pie crusts and blind baking them for haupia chocolate pie and a blueberry pie. I’m going to make the blueberry with a crumble topping. I’m also going to make cream puffs. Mom wants a white chocolate raspberry cream puff, and I also want to make a key lime cream puff. Though, I need to get more white chocolates and graham crackers.

So today, mom and I went to my dads and visited. We went to Jo-Anns Fabrics after getting stuff to make masks, and I got some fabric to make an apron. They have free kits so people could make their own masks. I found a pattern online on how to make a 50s inspired apron that I want to make. Maybe I should pull the sewing machine out of the storage unit and learn to sew using that, or I’m going to be sewing it by hand, which I don’t mind. I’ve done that before and made a backpack that lasted more than five years. I also want to make an apron for my nieces. I think that’d be so cute on them.

And so it begins

Measuring cloth out for masks, and then I’m going to measure things out for aprons. I found a pattern at Jo-Ann’s for a purse I really want to make it but first the masks and then the aprons. I’m following the instructions for the masks from this site. Mom’s going to show me how to use the sewing machine. She’s taught me before, but I only sewed a couple lines I didn’t full-on practice. I’m determined to learn how to use the sewing machine this time.

Mom and I spent yesterday cutting out the fabric for face masks. We’re going to finish doing that today. What we don’t use for masks mom wants to make into a blanket and apron. Mom’s going to show me how to use the sewing machine today. I’ll probably take breaks to make pie crust so I can get that made finally and the cream puffs. When I went to Jo-Anns, I found a mini bundt pan for $7.00 marked down from $29.00 I was so happy when I saw that on clearance.

I’m going to make mini lemon bundt cakes. I know they won’t take that long to cook, so I think the most time-consuming part with be with mixing up the batter. I’m trying to do as much as I can that makes me happy before I’m knee-deep into homework and won’t think about anything else. I’ll definitely take pictures of the first mask I finish lol. It’ll be the first thing I sewed using a sewing machine.

We’re getting closer to school starting. I’ve watched the videos I need to for ASL. It’ll be interesting going to class on zoom, especially on Mondays sense my dogs love to bark at anything and everything lol.

I got some of the masks sewed, but they still need the pleats, so I need to iron them, then sew them again and put the ties on them.

I’m making milk and honey bread. Though I added more honey in it than the recipe called for. I really wanted it to taste of honey. My arms were hurting from all the kneading I did to it. I kneaded it for a good 5-7 minutes.

Wow, I just realized I haven’t written on here much this week. I’ve been so focused on getting ready for school to start and sewing that I forgot lol. So I guess this week is a short post. I’ll try to have more to say in my next post.

March was a doozy of a month O.o

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March was a doozy of a month. We had our finals for school, and now everyone has to stay home due to the covid-19 virus. So did I pass my classes? I passed 3 out of the 4. Not surprisingly, I didn’t pass math. So I have to retake it. Hopefully, with this different teacher, I’ll be able to pass the math class. So, far I like what she has to say in her syllabus. I don’t know if we’re starting classes on the 6th or the 13th. I know Brandon doesn’t begin until the 17th of April. They said we’re supposed to get our financial aid on the 8th of April. I know the banks are supposed to stay open, so hopefully, we’ll be able to get money off of it to pay our bills. Otherwise, we’re paying our bills with our school cards, and I’ll have to figure out how much to pay off of each card.

I realized I forgot to put the shortening and butter in the fridge for the pie crust. I’m also going to make a rough puff pastry. Its the easy way to make puff pastry. I saw it a lot on The Great British Baking Show. It’s where I saw that cake that I want to make and other things that make me want to make them. Oh, watching them make meringue made me want to try and make it again. I tried years ago to make it but failed miserably, so I want to try again.

I need to get my schedule back to normal. I’m staying up past midnight and sleeping until almost noon. I can’t keep this schedule when school starts.

I got some fake nails and put them on and painted them. They’re not with acrylic, only the nail. I didn’t want to do all the acrylic. That would take me forever, and with no proper sanding tools, yeah, it would take a long time.

Dog’s are playing. Cats are sleeping. Brandon is playing the PS4. Mom’s drinking coffee and watching TV. I’m sitting here drinking coffee, and soon as I’m done, I’m going to heat some water and wash my face. I’m making cleaning my face a routine during the day and night. Heating the water and being mindful of the process of washing my face. I’m trying to think of what skill that is from DBT, but there’s a specific skill that you can practice so your in the moment and just focusing on the process of what you’re doing. I’ll ask my therapist what skill that is. I think that’s the skill I’ve been using cooking.

Mom suggested I talk about having to stay home because of the virus when I want to go to school. To be honest, it’s not any different from when I was in a mental state not to leave the house what so ever. My anxiety and depression made it to where I didn’t want to go anywhere. The less I went places, the happier I was before. Now, yes, I want to go to school, and I’m going a bit stir crazy, not leaving, but I’m doing better mentally. I’m cooking and trying to make a positive thing out of this. I’m definitely in a better mental state now than when I was before when I didn’t want to leave the house what’s so ever. I’m working on writing on here and cooking. Whereas before, I wouldn’t do anything and just lay in bed doing nothing.

So I’ve put the chore chart back in place. We’re going to do $30 for the end of the month prize for the person with the most points. I got these chore charts off of amazon, and I wanted to encourage cleaning around the house not just for me but for everybody. I want the chart to be in place when we move in with Richard and the girls. Though, I might put in a different prize for the girls, so they’re getting rewarded for their chores. But I’ll have to talk to Richard and see what he wants to do.

I made the pie crust, and that’s resting in the fridge. Now I mixed up, and I’m baking the dog treats. What I put in them is

Dog treats

16 ozs or 1 lb of peas frozen-thawed

1 lb of broccoli from frozen-thawed

3 cups shredded carrots fresh

1 tbsp coriander

1 ½ tbsp ground ginger

1 ½ tbsp ground cinnamon

1 cup organic PB fit peanut butter

1 cup steel-cut oats

Four eggs

¾ cups water

Heat oven up to 350 degrees. Mix everything. Put on parchment covered cookie sheet in an even layer. Bake for 50 minutes. Let them cool completely, then cut as big or as small as you want. Refrigerate the rest.

So the dogs love the treats I made for them they’re going nuts over them lol.

I made enough pie crust for three pies and one quiche. I wanted to make a potato, onion, and cheese quiche.

So, what to talk about?

I painted my nails pink with a copper accent nail. They’re a bit messy looking, but I like them. I also fudged them up before they dried, so a couple looks like crap. So far, I’ve been able to do my contacts with the nails.

Oh, I plucked my eyebrows because they were becoming one lol. I was able to see them after I put in my contacts and saw they needed plucking. So I plucked them, and I’m thinking of doing my makeup just not sure.

I’m thinking of making a pineapple curd. We have everything to make it except the cornstarch. I think pineapple curd with a lemon or line curd would taste amazing. I could make haupia and put it with that that would taste wonderful. We’ll see if anyone on Facebook will give up a recipe that I can use so I can try and make it.

I made a garlic and herb bread. It turned out so much better than the last one I made.

They turned out so good I want to make grilled cheese out of a slice of it. You can’t see in the picture, but they’re huge lol. Brandon said they look like hamburger buns lol. They were right out of the oven in this picture.

I think food is my escape from my worries right now. Cooking does make me happy, and it’s a nice distraction. I’m going to make breadsticks filled with cheese too.

I made pineapple curd, and it tastes so good. I’m going to make lemon curd and key lime curd for pies and cream puffs.

I didn’t get to make the lemon curd, but I’m going to make that tomorrow. But I did make cinnamon rolls which didn’t turn out, so I’m going to try a different recipe. I found one that might work, but we’ll see after I make them. But the curds were so good!

Today I’m making lemon curd along with trying that new cinnamon roll recipe. I need to do the dishes first, and I already promised to make cream puffs so I might make those first then make the cinnamon rolls. Oh, and I still need to blind bake my pie crusts so I can make the haupia and pineapple pie with meringue for that pie too. I have some dried beans I can use to blind bake them.

I’ve made this post mostly about food. I just can’t seem to think about anything else, especially with how I’ve been cooking. My entire therapy appointment, all I talked about was food. My therapist said she hadn’t eaten lunch, and I was making her hungry lol. It’s funny she like garlic just as much as I do. But I have been making sure to wear my Slytherin apron that Brandon got me for our wedding anniversary.

I love Harry Potter, and when I went onto the website, I got sorted into the house Slytherin. I so wish I could go down to Florida to visit Harry Potter World at Universal Studios. I was to get my wand and robes. But for now, I’ll just rock my apron while I cook. I should try and do something Harry Potter themed when I cook. I want the Harry Potter cookbook. I have that cookbook on my wish list on Amazon along with the Lord of The Rings cookbook. I also have other cookbooks on there that I want from the Great British Baking Show. Though, I should look on Thriftbooks to see if I could order them cheaper. I don’t know we’ll see kind of wish I could share my wishlist on there for people to order from and get it sent to me. Like you can find on Amazon. I have a wishlist for my birthday wants, and they’re all cookbooks lol. I do enjoy reading cookbooks. I like learning about how to cook things, especially sweets.

I need other things to talk about on here lol. I know I took a couple days off from writing on here to bake, but I also didn’t know what to talk about. No one is giving me ideas of what to talk about on here.

I haven’t been doing a whole lot besides baking and watching TV. Well, more watching movies on VUDU and TV shows on Netflix.

I’ve been listening to music every night before bed. I haven’t listened to rock music for a long time, and I’ve been enjoying listening to it before bed. I have Amazon music so I can listen to music, and I’ve been able to listen to the newest stuff on there but also the old stuff I enjoy. When I get money, I want to buy the songs I really like so I can have them on my computer—been really into listening to Five Finger Death Punch, Skillet, Disturbed, and Korn. I know I haven’t just sat and listened to those bands in a couple of years. I’m so out of the loop with music I don’t know what’s in anymore lol. I feel so old because of that lol.

With this virus, it’s making it hard for people to go out and do stuff. I’m not complaining; I’m just stating a fact. The only thing that’s been changed drastically is I can’t go to the gym, and the house is too small to workout in. I’d end up tripping over the animals or bumping into my mom and husband. And I don’t know if I should go for walks beside it’s getting sunny and I don’t want to be in the sun lol.

So I made the lemon curd, and it tastes of lemon but not as Tarte maybe because I used Meyer lemons. Through all of my cooking, I came up with my curd recipe.

So I made the cinnamon rolls again, and they turned out this time. I’m glad I used this recipe, and they turned out perfectly. Though I didn’t put the cream cheese topping on, I kinda wanted them without. But ya never know I might change my mind. I forgot to take a picture, and I’m sure you know what cinnamon rolls look like lol.

That’s it for now if you have anything you want me to talk about just let me know.

Baking to pass the time

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Not having homework and whatnot, I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I should be doing something. I’m probably going to be cooking a lot because I don’t know what else to do with myself. I’m going to be starting school either on the 6th of April or the 13th. When I’m able to message my teachers, I’ll ask them what day we start. I need to go to the school for my books. Same with Brandon, we need to go to the school for his books. It’s going to be a pretty penny for them. I hope I have enough on my credit cards.

So I ordered Sei Bella Revital skincare through my brother’s business called Melaleuca. He signed me up as a customer, and I ordered that as my first order. I really wanted to try the skincare and how well it works. So, I’m going to try it for a month and do a side by the side of now when I first tried it to the 30-day mark. If I really like it, I’m going to order it again and keep using it. I want to try the cosmetics and hair care through them. That way, I can give a full review of their products. I’ve already tried their cleaning products and really like them. The toilet cleaner got a stain off the toilet that I’ve been trying to get since we moved in. The laundry detergent works really well and makes our clothes smell really lovely. What I really like about the products is they’re all-natural. So, there’s nothing harmful in the products and won’t cause irritation to your skin. The skincare doesn’t have a strong smell to them; it smells lightly of herbs. It’s not an obnoxious smell, it’s light and subtle. So far, my skin is really soft after using it. When I went with my brother, mom, and dad to learn more about his company, I won a cup that keeps your drink at the same temp no matter what. It works so good. I love having warm coffee for more than an hour. I don’t drink my coffee very fast so it staying warm is really lovely.

I’ll do a more in-depth review of the products once I try them more.

What to talk about?

I feel like I should be doing something! What to do?!

Oh, I didn’t realize the picture was a little blurry, but Angel is already half the size of the couch. I can only wonder how much she weighs now. The sofa is mom’s bed, and that’s why there are so many blankets and pillows on the couch. I need to get a good one of Dasiy too. Maybe take a picture of them standing on their hind legs to show how big they are now.

So now I making bread again this time, just two white loaves. I’ll do another later with flavorings and whatnot. I’ll post pictures once it’s done. It’s been so long since I just baked for the fun of it. I’m really like doing this. I’m going to make cookies and more bread. I’m planning on making some pies with a hot water crust. I’m trying recipes I wouldn’t usually work. I think it’s a good thing that I’m doing this. It’s helping me emotionally. Ooo, maybe I should make fresh pasta! Oh, and I’m planning on making soft breadsticks I might stuff them with cheese lol.

Here’s the picture of the bread I made. The food turned out really good. I put pretzel salt on the outside just because we had it lol. 

Well, I’ve baked bread, and I’m making cookies. I’m already made 4 dozen cookies. I make red velvet and white chocolate chip macadamia nut.

I’m planning on making chocolate chip, espresso chip, and salted caramel chip. So in all, I’m going to make about 10 dozen cookies. Then I’m going to make a pie than some more bread. I just haven’t figured out what to do with myself now that I’m not focusing on school. I’m probably going to be like this all spring break. Here are the recipes I followed for my cookies:

Cookie base

2 ¼ cups flour

½ tsp salt

¾ tsp baking powder

¾ cups (1 ½ sticks) butter

1 cups + 2 tbsp brown sugar

1 cups + 2 tbsp caster sugar

3 large eggs

1 tsp vanilla

2 bags of chocolate chips of choice

 

Cream butter and sugar together until well combined. Add one egg at a time, letting each addition incorporate evenly. Add salt vanilla and baking powder. Let it mix evenly. Add flour half a cup at a time so it can incorporate evenly. Then add chocolate chips of choice. Let rest for a couple hours in the fridge. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake until golden, usually about 12-15 minutes depending on oven. If your oven runs high in temp cook at 325 until golden.

Notes: If you want them chocolate as chocolate cookies, replace ¾ of flour with cocoa powder. I use this base for my cookies and add whatever chocolate chips I have at the time. I put espresso flavor and white chocolate chips for one, another I did salted caramel and milk chocolate, then I made a plain chocolate chip.

 

White chocolate macadamia nut cookies

½ cups of butter

4 ounces of cream cheese

1 cup caster sugar or sweetener of choice.

¼ tsp salt

1 egg

1 tsp almond extract

½ tsp baking powder

1 ¾ cups flour

2 cups macadamia nuts chopped toasted if you like

4 cups white chocolate chips

 

Cream together butter and cream cheese. Add sugar until incorporated. Add the egg, almond extract, salt, and baking powder. Once everything is well integrated, add the flour ½ cup at a time. Once combined, add chocolate chips and macadamia nuts. Fold in them in. Allow resting for 2 hours in the fridge. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 15 minutes.

Note: I think I want to try adding honey to this and see how it tastes. I think doing that instead of sugar would be really good.

 

White chocolate chip red velvet cookies

1 ¾ cups flour

3 tbsp cocoa powder

1 ½ tsp baking powder

½ cup butter

2 large eggs

¾ tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp coconut vinegar

1 tbsp red food coloring

4 cups White chocolate chips

 

Cream together sugar and butter together until light and fluffy. Add one egg at a time, then add vanilla, coconut vinegar, and food coloring allow to mix thoroughly. Add cocoa powder and allow that to mix carefully then add baking powder. After that’s mixed well, add the flour ½ cup at a time. Gently fold in white chocolate chips. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 12-15 minutes depending on if you want then soft or crunchy.

Note: I thought about making a cream cheese frosting to put on top of the cookies. I think that would make it really good.

I found this online and made it to my liking. There were some elements that I liked to change and make it somewhat my own. I would give credit I just can’t find them now I don’t know what I put in to search for them lol oops. If they look familiar, let me know so I can edit this post with credit to you.

I’m not sure what happened to the recipe for the bread, but if you look up basic yeast bread dough, it should come up, hopefully, lol.

So I organized my skincare a bit, but I want to get the stuff from the bathroom organized. Just to make sure it’s all in the same place, and I don’t have to hunt around for it.

So, yesterday mom and I went to the store and used our credit card to get food for the next couple weeks because the governor put in effect no leaving the house unless necessary for like doctor appointments, meds, and food. Otherwise, there’s no need to leave to go anywhere. We’re planning on just staying indoors and waiting until the order is lifted. Though, I’m going to go to project beauty share Monday. I should be free of this cough by then.

I ordered food for the animals and a toy for the dogs. They absolutely love it! It looks like a stick, and they keep playing with it. Hopefully, it lasts. It’s supposed to be for aggressive chewers. I just realized we’re low on training treats, so I just ordered more. My credit card is going to be so full after all this is done.

I have my therapy appointment today, we’re doing it over the phone again. We’ll be doing it over the phone for a while until this virus blows over.

I’ve made the cookies, and I still need to make the pies. I’m going to make an apple, a blueberry, and a lemon. I’m looking up on how to do a meringue, and I’m probably going to do a Swiss meringue because that actually heats up and cooks the egg whites. I’m going to have to toast the top of it using the oven. Then I’m going to try and learn to make cannoli shells, then I’ll worry about learning to make the fillings. Yes, I know I should be studying pastry lol. Cooking seems to be the only time I feel happy and content. But I don’t want to get into the business and lose that passion I have for it. I don’t know I’m trying to find a job at a bakery. I think that would give me the idea of if I want to pursue that career type. I’m going to finish getting my AA then go into the library Technician program. I really want to finish what I started then go into the pastry program.

Oh, man! I just looked at what books Brandon and I need for school. It’s going to cost a pretty penny. Hopefully, I get my financial aid or my check before then. Have to figure out how to pay for them.

I need to get my schedule back to normal. I shouldn’t be staying up past midnight and sleeping the day in. Tonight I’m going to take my meds at a decent time.

Yesterday mom fell down really hard, she’s hurting pretty bad now. She hit her whole left side on the ground really hard. I wish I could drive so I could take her to the doctors. I really need to get my license.

I’m trying to think of recipes that I can try and make. I want to do more loaves of bread, including a sweet bread. Possibly some cinnamon rolls. But we’ll see how much butter I have after making pies and what not lol. Though, I don’t have cream cheese now to make cream cheese frosting. Oh well, if we have to, we can go get it when we go to get meds.

So far, the skincare I’m trying out is good, it’s been leaving my skin really soft. I’ve been pretty good about washing my face day and night. Moms has been keeping up with cleaning her face day and night too. I organized my skincare and put away what I’m not using while I’m using the Sei Bella. It really gives more room in the bathroom on the shelves. I have so much skincare now, but I’m trying not to use anything other than the Sei Bella. I want to get a proper idea of how it works and if I entirely like it. If I really like it, I’ll get it again next month.

So I’ve been snooping around on the internet on how to make particular cakes. I’ve found one called European sponge cake (genoise). I’ve printed out the recipe, and I’m planning on trying it out. I’ve also looked into making a rough puff pastry and found a recipe that looks easy. I just have to plan that one in advance because I have to freeze the butter and have the flour in the freezer to keep really cold. I think it’ll be a fun thing to make. Maybe I should try making it with the girls sometime or the European sponge cake (genoise). I think they’d have a blast making those. I ordered the big book of the Great British Baking Show. I guess I’ll have a lot to practice once I get that book. I’d love to see if they have the recipes that people made on the show. I’d like to make some of them. Especially the bread filled with either savory or sweet fillings. 

Yesterday I just vegged out and watched the Great British Baking Show. I’m getting inspired to cook watching that show. It’s inspiring to see these home bakers bake on there and be passionate about it.

I think my passion for cooking is coming back, and I’m considering going into baking. I already know if I go into it, I’d start my own patisserie shop with sweets from around the world. I already know what I’d name the business to lol The Witches Candy House. There’s so much I want to learn to bake. I know I want sweets, but I also wish to make savory things as well. There’s so much I can make and learn.

If there’s anything else, you want me to talk about, let me know. I know I’m talking a great deal about food. I’m just getting my passion for it back, and I’m enjoying it. So, yeah, let me know your thoughts and what you like to read about.

People are ridiculous

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This quote is something I feel is worth sharing. I think people need to remind themselves to stay healthy and to remind themselves how far they’ve come. I know I’ve been in a dark place mentally in my past. I’ve struggled with that darkness for a long time, but now I’m mentally stable and in the right mental place. I’ve taken control of my life, and I’m not letting my mental illness control me. I take medications for it, and I go to therapy because of it. I’m not ashamed to admit that, and I don’t think anyone should be. It’s just a chemical imbalance in your brain, and you need to work to rewire your self, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

After you learn to help, yourself remember to be kind to yourself. Not to pass judgment onto yourself. Your fighting an invisible battles that no one knows about except your self. You’ve come a very long way, and you can keep fighting. I believe in you.

There’s been so much talk about this virus going around. People are acting like they’ve never come into contact with a virus before. I know people need to be cautious but not stockpiling supplies like its an apocalypse. All I can do is shake my head at the sheer panic of people what people are doing just because of a virus. We’re not starting school until the 13, and some schools are closing until late April. It surprises me that people are so chaotic about this. I know it’s something we don’t have a vaccine for, but that shouldn’t mean people need to lose their shit. I don’t know. Maybe I’m too emotionally neutral about the whole thing. Yes, it’s sad people are dying, and I don’t want that, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go buy out a whole store just because of it. Anyways, there’s my two cents on that.

So I made the cream puffs! Coffee and raspberry white chocolate flavors! I wanted to make more, but I made them quite big, so the filling didn’t go as far 😂. Everybody at the library loves them.

So far, the school opens, as usual, we won’t know until later today if the school shuts down. If that happens, then I won’t be able to do work-study. Don’t know what I’ll do for a check. It’s going to be tight with money until we know. People are losing their shit over this virus.

All my classes are online now due to the virus. The gym is closed. And I am waiting for them to shut down the bus station. So far, not shut down, but they’re not letting more than 50 be in the plaza. All the benches in there have yellow tape around them, so now sits.

Man, the area of the road so clear from cars people, are self quarantining themselves due to the virus.

So, it’s been a few days. I worked on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was going to work the full days trying to get my hours, but my supervisor told me what to do so I can get those hours and be paid for them. I was apprehensive about not getting my hours done and not getting a check by the end of the month. I don’t know how long this shut down of things is going to go for. Some people are speculating that easter is going to be canceled. It baffles me that people would shop like crazy, but they stocked up on toilet paper and hand sanitizer, not stuff like toiletries. Don’t they plan on showering if locked up? I don’t know I just think people are ridiculous.

Man, I’ve been out of my ADHD medications, and I can feel it. I just can’t seem to focus. It’s been taking me forever trying to work on stuff I got like a day or two left of my school work, and I haven’t worked on it. I’m trying to figure out how I used to go through the day without it.

So, I finally got my medication in me lol. I was able to eventually work on my paper and get it turned in. I struggled with focusing without it in my system.

This virus going around has made people run around like chicken with their heads cut off. People are buying things that make no sense. It’s like they forget that other items do take place in daily life. Oh well, I was able to order kitty litter, dog food, and wet cat food off of https://www.chewy.com/, and that helped so much, but we do have to battle the crowd to get some wet cat food before the order gets here. So, I was happy I was able to do that. I was able to order face wash, toner, and moisturizer through my brother’s business. Mom was able to order household cleaning products and hand soap through him too. If you want to know what that business is, just ask I’ll be happy to tell you what it is. They have household cleaning, body hygiene products, and work out stuff. You even get money back for ordering through them. I already have $60 to use on my next order, which I’m saving for next month’s order. If I like the face stuff, I’ll order it again next month. So far, it’s made my face super soft, and I only used it once lol. But we’ll see if I break out because I have susceptible skin and can break out over the smallest thing. I’m hoping I don’t break out.

There’s so much to talk about, but then again, not very much lol.

I have to make my therapy appointments over the phone for now. My therapist has a weak immune system so that the slightest illness can make her sick. I understand she wants to make her appointments from home. Though, it was weird doing it over the phone lol. Our house is so small I had to go outside to make my appointment, which is fine.

At least I’ve been able to buy fresh vegetables which is shocking no one had bought them up. Maybe their freezers are so full of the other ridiculous stuff they’ve bought.

I’m not sure what else I need to do for school. I feel like I forget to do something. Oh well, I guess I’ll remember it after it’s due. I feel like that’s the way it’s been all quarter. I know we’re starting next quarter late, and the first two weeks are going to be online. We have to turn things online for you to get financial aid.

I have to say this is a shorter post lol due to not having my meds in me made it, so I don’t have much to talk about lol.

I should try to make cream puffs again. I want to make a chocolate banana flavor with nuts.

Well, having my meds in me, I cleaned up a bit around the area I sit the most. I got that taken care of and need to clean up around my area in the bedroom. There’s just a lot of bags from getting my meds. They’re just piling up.

I’m trying to think of things to talk about on here. Give me some IDEAS!!!!!! Please! I’m at a loss of what to talk about on here. No one has been giving me ideas to talk about here, so either no one is reading my blog, and no one has something they want me to talk about.

So I’m making bread because I want to cook something and I’m not sure what so bread it is! I’ll post a picture of it after it’s done.

Here’s my bread. I cut half off of one and had everybody try it before I remembered to take a picture lol. I sent dad home with one. I’m going to make another bread tomorrow with garlic, onion, and maybe jalapenos. I haven’t fully decided on what I’m going to do for flavors.

I want to do more baking. I wish I had more recipes from 50 years ago or more. If anyone has an old recipe that I can practice and bake, I’m all ears lol.

I want to cook something I’m just not sure what, maybe I could bake more bread.

Finals soon!

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I’ve been doing what I can to do homework. Yesterday I didn’t get to do what I wanted. I overslept and didn’t make it to Project Beauty Share. I feel awful that I didn’t go. I guess that’s what I get for taking my medications late. I have to take them early tonight so I can wake up in the morning since it’s daylight savings, so we lose an hr of sleep. Monday, Brandon doesn’t have school because they did so good on their final; their teacher gave them the day off from school. Mom said she’d take me, so I don’t have to take the bus alone. This is my last week this quarter for ASL, which makes me sad. I really enjoy the class. I’m excited to go into ASL three. I’m not happy about math, but I’m going to get my work done. I’m currently working on my history class and waiting for a reply from my teacher about possibly interviewing someone from the Spokane Tribe. I want to give the most accurate information on my subtopic paper.

I heard from my professor, and she said that would be an excellent source for my paper. So I emailed someone from the Spokane Tribe asking if I can ask some questions. I just have to wait and hear from them. I’m really hoping they agree, but we’ll see. I’m crossing my fingers; they agree or put me in touch with someone who can help me.

So, I posted about my deaf events here. If you look at my older posts, you’ll see what I wrote about on deaf events. You’ll read my feelings and thoughts on the nights. I’m hoping to go to more deaf events. I want to make friends and learn more about the culture. A couple people asked if I’m going to pursue going into the interpreter field, and I said no, I just love the culture and want to be able to talk to everyone while as a librarian. Communication as a librarian is essential to helping those who need it. That’s why I want to learn Spanish, Japanese, and French. I want to communicate with everyone. I always want to learn more. Learning new things makes me happy, but I know learning other languages isn’t going to be easy, but I know I’ll enjoy it.

So, I cleaned the kitchen yesterday. I wanted to get the bathroom cleaned but didn’t get that far. I got my ASL homework done. I wrote the two papers on my deaf events, did my quizzes, pirated in the discussion. I got some history homework done. Contacted someone from the Spokane tribe to possibly talk to someone about the casino. Ask them questions and get some accurate information on the casino and tribe. I’d say yesterday was productive. I just wish I’d gotten more done.

I’m hoping to go to another deaf event again. I want to make friends as well as practice signing. I’ve been such a recluse throughout the years I want to get out there. Meet new people and make more friends. I wonder if Cindy would like to learn ASL too? So she can meet them also, though, I’m sure they’d be willing to write what they want to say or I could translate, so long as I’m good enough lol. I hope next quarter I can go to the ASL club. This quarter my schedule was just a shit show lol.

I’m going to attempt the choux pastry again today. I won’t make it right before bringing it to work and see doing some with Brandon for his class. I want to make good ones probably with beef and cheese, maybe one with salmon and cream cheese thyme and sage. Hmmm, wonder what flavors I could do?

Well, it looks like I have a job interview at the donut parade today. I look like crap, but I’m going since this is how I look most days. But I’m excited I guess we’ll see if I get the job granted for 2 days I’ll have to wake up super early and be there by 2:20am, but that’s okay. I can do it! But we’ll see if I get the job.

So today, I got up at 4, got to school at 7, worked at the library then went to class. I got the call for the job interview during math. I was so eager to call them back. I just went out into the hall and called. I’m now on my way to project beauty share. Then going to the interview then home.

The interview went okay, I think. He said he’ll let me know in 48 hrs whether or not I got it. He said it’s not a job he expects anyone to stay at. He just wants to be a useful reference. I don’t know how I feel about that. But if I get the job, it’ll be something until I can find something for the long term. I was hoping this could be a place I could be at while in school. But I guess we’ll see what happens.

I had more written on here, and I forgot to save it 😖. Oh well, I’ll try and remember for next time not to do that.

I haven’t heard back about the job yet I guess he might be still thinking about it. Even if I don’t get it, I’m thankful he took time out of his day to interview me. If I don’t hear back today, I guess it’s back to the grind of putting in applications.

This is my last week of ASL!😭 I can’t wait to be in ASL 3. And I’m going to continue to practice and going to deaf events so I can get better. I know I keep repeating myself that I want to communicate with everyone, but it’s how I feel. 😊

I gotta work on my slides for history. It’s going to be a new paper talking about the Spokane tribe casino. I got so into finding research and doing the writing I forgot about the group presentation 😂 oops!

I got there first two books of lord of the rings on audible I’m planning on at least reading one this spring break for the fun of it. I want to read something for the fun of it and not because someone told me to. I mean, I enjoyed the books I read in English, but I want to have the leisure of doing it without having to worry about a paper to write 😂. I’ll get the third book when I get my credit on audible.

I have my appointment with the therapist today. Gotta take a bus to and from there. Mom had an MRI yesterday and couldn’t drive, so they made her take a cab, and they paid for it lol. She was out of it when she came home. She doesn’t even remember eating 2 brownies lol she passed out right after.

Yesterday, it was a long day. I got up at 4 left the house at 5:30am didn’t get home until 6:00pm. Needless to say, I was exhausted. I got on and off the bus, 8 times went to school, therapy, their bank, the pay office, and the store before finally making it home. I woke up today and forgot to take my meds. Thankfully mom said she’d bring them to me before getting the girls.

Oh, I haven’t written on here for a couple days. Wednesday was a very long day, and I passed out not long after getting home. I can see that it is going to be happening a lot, especially if I get the job at the donut place. I’d have to wake up at 1 just to get to work at 2:30am. I’m excited at the possibility of decorating donuts, but if I don’t get it, I’ll look into putting in applications to bakeries. I’m excited at the thought of learning new things. I enjoy learning and want to make sure I never stop learning new things, especially for cooking. Cooking has always been a love of mine, so doing it as a passion is exciting to me. I know everyone says I should just go into the culinary program, but I don’t want to be a regular chef. I’d rather be a pastry chef.

So, what have I been doing the past couple of days? Wednesday, I got up at 4:30am got on the bus at 6am then headed to school. Worked then went to class, and after classes ended, I got on the bus to downtown. I got on another bus to head to the Valley. I went to a Starbucks to kill time until my therapy appointment. I walked to the meeting then got on another bus until it got to Sprague and got off to get onto another bus. Stopped right where the bank was to pull money to pay rent and to pay on my credit card. I got on the bus again and went to the post office then went back onto the bus to downtown. I got on another bus to go to Safeway to buy something for dinner. Then mom picked me up from there since she had to pick up her meds anyways. When I got home at 6pm I was exhausted I had my dinner took my pills and passed out. I couldn’t focus enough to do homework that was due that night. I know it’s going to be worse with exhaustion when I start another job. I know there’s going to be a lot of coffee in my future lol.

Yesterday I did my test in ASL, and I really liked that type of test she did. It was a preview of what the tests are going to be like when I go into ASL 3. I only missed a couple things on my test only because I forgot the details of it, and I even wrote it down in my notes lol. I’m not ready for my ASL test today, but I’m going to do it. I’m worried I’m not going to place everything like I’m supposed to. I don’t want to muddle it all together.

I also saw Cindy and her son yesterday. It was so lovely to visit with her and hold Richard finally lol. I didn’t get to hold him last time I saw him because I was sick and didn’t want to risk him getting sick because he’s so young. I can’t believe he’s 3 months. He’s so cute!

I got so caught up in doing research and writing my paper for history. I forgot to do the group slides for the presentation. I told the teacher I didn’t do it, and she said I need to make sure I do the rest to pass, which I will do tonight. I feel like I let my group members down with not doing my part. I’m going to turn in my paper and do the power reviews. I have to highlight what I change, which is fine.

I’m sitting in math doing nothing because doing my work on my phone gives me a headache, and I’m done with the book work. I pretty sure I’m not going to pass this class but I’m going to do the work asked of me. I’ll admit I’m far behind on the online work, and I can get it done over the weekend.

Oh, yesterday was busy, but it wasn’t if that makes sense. I went to school, got my expressive test done. I didn’t do as well as I had hoped. Oh! I forgot to add what the paragraph was here…

Expressive Paragraph 3/13/2020

Yesterday morning on the farm, my alarm went off at 5:45. I woke up, got dressed, put on perfume/aftershave, grabbed my hat and beer, and headed to the field.  I saw something shiny.  I went to investigate and found a credit card.  I called the police, and a macho old-fashioned cop came.  He said it belonged to the new music teacher on the next farm.  That night she bought me dinner, and we toasted to her good luck! 

It was a doozy of a paragraph, but Kellie-Marie liked that I added the cop asking why they were drinking at 5:45am LOL. I couldn’t help myself; I had to add it. Wednesday, I made Kellie-Marie laugh because we were playing story cubes in class, and I made it in my story the person fell and found a cookie under something and blew it off then ate it. I have so much fun in ASL. I really enjoy learning it. Though she said I usually do really well-putting things into ASL format but during my test, I kept going back into English as I signed. I knew I shouldn’t have practiced it in English then try to do it in ASL. Oh well, there’s always next quarter.

Speaking of Next quarter, this virus that’s going around is making people go crazy. We’re not starting our quarter on the 6th like we were supposed to. We have to start on the 13th. I asked my teacher if we’re going to start class online on the 6th or just start everything on the 13th. I really hope it’s the 6th, but we’ll see.

Otherwise, I worked on homework last night. Richard(my brother) came over with the girls. We had pizza and visited. Which was nice, Lilly worked on her homework because she’s behind. Mom’s computer died, and we didn’t realize it wasn’t plugged in lol. We thought it was, but when mom went to plug something else in, she saw it wasn’t actually plugged in. But Lillian got a lot done.

I’m going to go get stuff to make more choux pastry. I want to make a white chocolate raspberry cream puff. It sounds so good. I’m waiting to fill them up until the night before, so they don’t go soggy before I take them to school. I’ve decided I’m going to fill them with cheesecake and not custard. I’ve been having so much trouble making it I’m going to wait until next quarter when I get my mom and have the money to buy eggs. It takes a lot of eggs and butter to make the choux and the custard. I’m also going to post pictures of my choux after they’re filled and ready to go. I think I might get gluten-free flour next month and make some gluten-free. I want to take a couple to my therapist. I think I should try making macarons too.

I slacked on writing on here, and that bugs me. I want to try and post on here as much as I can before I post it. I know this post is long, but I still didn’t write on here every day, and I like to do it after I wake up. I know a couple of those days I was just so tired I couldn’t think of what I write. Let me know your thoughts on future posts.

Gratitude Post

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Haha, I seem to forget to do my gratitude entries on the daily lol. I’ll try and do better (0.o) I guess I’ve just been consumed with finals and what I need to do to get everything done I forgot. I’ve been trying to do my regular post and almost forget about that daily lol.

What I grateful for is…

Being in school

My best friend’s kindness and understanding.

Being a godmother

My choux pastry coming out perfectly! now to make the custard… (>.<)

My brothers

For job interviews, just to get that experience is priceless.

Working at the library

Learning every day in and outside of school.

Snow and yes I do miss it

Kindness from others

Deaf Event

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I went to the Starbucks on Friday 3/6/2020 from 5 pm – 7 pm. I got there early because I was nervous and wanted to make sure I got the address correct. Everyone working there knew all the deaf people who come in. They do this deaf night on the first Friday of every month. I was so nervous because I don’t feel entirely comfortable signing to other people. I was so worried about doing the wrong sign and not properly putting it into ASL format. I was the only new face there. Everyone was super helpful and very understanding. I wrote down and showed them that I’m studying ASL at the college with Kellie-Marie. They got very excited that I was learning it, and I wanted to know more. I feel if I can attend these deaf events, meet people, and make friends, I can learn better at doing ASL and it’s format. There were a couple of people who are hearing there whose relatives are deaf, and one is also learning to be an interpreter. The other is an interpreter. She was delighted that I was there and that I wanted to be more a part of deaf culture. She said, “not enough people spend enough time around the deaf, so they don’t end up learning ASL to it’s fullest.” I have to agree with her on that. I think that’s what’s been my problem, and I haven’t emerged myself into the deaf culture to thoroughly learn it. I’ve only been learning the surface of it without taking the initiative to learn more. I find the culture and language to be beautiful, and I want to be able to talk to everyone hearing and not. I’m learning to be a library Technician, and I want to be that person who makes everyone feel included.

While there, I saw several signs I recognized. I found it interesting that when at school, I struggle with reading fingerspelling, but while I was there, I was able to pick up on it. I think in class, I’m overthinking it, and while I was at Starbucks, I just let it be and tried to relax. I found most conversations were about politics. I honestly don’t know much about politics since I don’t follow them. I should follow them a little so that I can have something more to talk about. The translator said everyone’s been anxious about coronavirus going around.

Along with the inclusion of the deaf in every society. There were two people there that work at the Spokane valley office that are advocates for the deaf. She said that their main office is in Vancouver, WA and that they have an office in the Valley over here. Everyone showed me their name sign, which I thought was terrific. They showed me the sign for coffee since we were at a coffee shop. I recognized the sign for live/life and the sign for death, paper, pen, food, drink milk, change, transition, and a few other signs I can’t think of. One person asked me if my eyes were getting tired of all the watching. I said I’m usually a very quiet person who watches what is going on around them. So, my eyes weren’t too bad. But I was touched at his and everyone’s kindness. They were so welcoming and kept telling me not to be nervous. I think another reason I was nervous is that I don’t know how to bring up conversations and keep them going. I’m not good at small talk, and I, in general, struggle with communicating. I’m going to keep going to the deaf events that are open for the hearing. I want to make friends and meet new people.

Gratitude Post

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So, I forgot to write my gratitude for the week in my last post. I only did it one day, so I’m going to just do separate posts for my gratitude.

What am I grateful for?

The deaf event last night

Meeting new people

Blankets because I like to snuggle up lol

Audiobooks

Understanding teachers

Learning new things

When I’m happy because it’s not so often I feel that.

Kind people

Curry and rice lol

Having friends