I’m more clear headed

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I’m trying to be better about what I need to do. But my depression hit so hard I forgot to do some work that was due, and I can’t do it late. There’s no making it up; I just got to try and do better and getting stuff done. I really couldn’t believe I missed that work. I thought I did it, but apparently, I didn’t. *sigh*

So I guess I’ll just talk about my thoughts this past week.

I’ve been getting very irritable, and I’ve been trying not to lash out at people. I find myself apologizing quite often. I hope to change my meds; I can get better. I think my anxiety has been so high, and that’s making me more irritable. I know my anxiety is about school work and not getting it done. I’m in a vicious cycle of feeling guilty of not doing it, then feeling anxious about it and then irritability cause I haven’t done it then getting depressed cause I didn’t do it. It just keeps going around and around. But I’m trying to do better and get this under control so I could do better with my school work.

I’m a sucker for makeup brushes. I don’t have very many face brushes as I do eye brushes. I don’t know how they wash or apply makeup yet, but if you want them, here’s where I got them.

Makeup brushes

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I always talk about DBT (dialectical Behavior Therapy) and how it’s helped me so much. It really helps with emotion regulation and expressing yourself in a positive way. I highly recommend doing DBT.

DBT Workbook

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I’m struggling to stay focused sense lowering my one med I’m being weaned off of. I just want to curl up and cry right now.

I’m doing a little better today emotionally. Hopefully, I can focus long enough to do my homework that’s due today. I got my ASL done, but I didn’t get math and communications done. I’m going to have to do it late. I just got a migraine and couldn’t focus after I did ASL. I struggled to finish my ASL assignments.

On a good note, we have hot water now, and the fossette in the kitchen works better now after dad changed the fossette, and he changed the pipes for that bathroom, so we have hot water now. We had to change it out because it was leaking into the wall. The last thing we want is for black mold to start.

During this lockdown, I’ve become one of those people shopping all the time online. At least I got bills paid first before shopping. But having a credit card does not help the urge to shop.

My dad and brother fixed the pipes leaking from the bathroom. We finally have hot water. I’ll never take a shower for granted again. We didn’t have hot water for a few weeks. My landlord had to have the money to fix it first, and they finally did. My dad changed out all the pipes from cast iron to copper. He also changed the faucet in the kitchen. The other one was really clogged, and we couldn’t unclog it. So we changed it out. We also had to change an element out of the water heater because it went out for not having water in it for an extended period.

For Mother’s day, we went over to my brothers for a BBQ. Here’s the picture we took for mom to put in the frame Kenny gave her. The frame was a nine picture frame, and the center doesn’t have a picture in it. Mom wanted it to be a picture of us three.

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I’m finally going back to Project Beauty Share! I’m so happy to finally be going back to help out there. Julie called me yesterday and asked me to come in and help with the mail and to also help with another thing. So instead of going in on Mondays, I’m going in on Tuesdays.

We checked the mail, and I got my last patch! The death’s head moth! Comment if you know what this is from!

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So I’m going to put my patches on a jean jacket that I’m going to dye black and orange. I think it’ll look so good. Dad suggested I do that and I really like the idea.

Since lowering my medication I’ve been able to think clearer. The day after lowering I just wanted to curl up and cry but the next day I was able to think and have motivation for my homework. I’m hoping I have the motivation to do workouts now. I’m thinking of doing beachbody online. I really need to workout and lose the weight I gained after increasing that medication. I’ve gained 40 lbs. in 2 months. That’s not normal. I know I haven’t been eating the greatest so I have to work on that too. I have an appointment with my weight loss doctor next week. I hope she’s not disappointed in me for gaining this weight. We’ll see what she says.

As I said I’ve had more motivation to do my homework. I think I’ll be able to finish my math work before the end of the quarter. I don’t have much left to do so I’m wanting to finish it now. I signed up for my next classes and I’m doing math 88 and a fitness class that will be one credit. I needed to use the one credit so I can stay on track with what I have planned out. I have an academic plan that the counselor put together for me. So long as I follow that plan I’ll graduate next year and be able to transfer to Spokane Falls Community College. They have the library technician program that I want to do. After I do all that I might go to school for pastry. I haven’t decided yet. I love to cook and I love books. Might as well study both areas lol.

In ASL we’re going to be telling children’s stories. She wants us to do a story from when we were little and I picked the story Three Billy Goats Named Gruff. I loved that story when I was little. The other books I really enjoyed was Dr. Seuss. But she said those would be too difficult to do. So I picked the other story I really liked. And in case we do it for another week or if I want to just record and post a video of me telling a kids story I ordered two others. One named The Grumpy Monkey and The Wonky Donkey. They looked really cute. I think it’d be fun to tell kids stories in sign. I want to build my vocabulary with ASL. So I need to keep practicing signing and watching people do it. I wont learn if I don’t try to watch people talk in sign. I know I still have so much to learn. Even though I’m not going into the interpreter program I still want to be able to talk to those who are deaf. I want to communicate with everyone. That’s also why I want to learn Spanish, French, and Japanese. I’ve considered other languages but I’ll start with these.

I got more makeup brushes lol.

I have an addiction to all things makeup lol. I need to do my makeup more often. I want to get more makeup but I have to pay my bills first. At least I’m being responsible lol.

I can’t believe how much more clear headed I am since lowering that medication. I’m not feeling irritable or emotional. I feel more in the present moment.

Learning new things

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I’m going to be making pie crusts and blind baking them for haupia chocolate pie and a blueberry pie. I’m going to make the blueberry with a crumble topping. I’m also going to make cream puffs. Mom wants a white chocolate raspberry cream puff, and I also want to make a key lime cream puff. Though, I need to get more white chocolates and graham crackers.

So today, mom and I went to my dads and visited. We went to Jo-Anns Fabrics after getting stuff to make masks, and I got some fabric to make an apron. They have free kits so people could make their own masks. I found a pattern online on how to make a 50s inspired apron that I want to make. Maybe I should pull the sewing machine out of the storage unit and learn to sew using that, or I’m going to be sewing it by hand, which I don’t mind. I’ve done that before and made a backpack that lasted more than five years. I also want to make an apron for my nieces. I think that’d be so cute on them.

And so it begins

Measuring cloth out for masks, and then I’m going to measure things out for aprons. I found a pattern at Jo-Ann’s for a purse I really want to make it but first the masks and then the aprons. I’m following the instructions for the masks from this site. Mom’s going to show me how to use the sewing machine. She’s taught me before, but I only sewed a couple lines I didn’t full-on practice. I’m determined to learn how to use the sewing machine this time.

Mom and I spent yesterday cutting out the fabric for face masks. We’re going to finish doing that today. What we don’t use for masks mom wants to make into a blanket and apron. Mom’s going to show me how to use the sewing machine today. I’ll probably take breaks to make pie crust so I can get that made finally and the cream puffs. When I went to Jo-Anns, I found a mini bundt pan for $7.00 marked down from $29.00 I was so happy when I saw that on clearance.

I’m going to make mini lemon bundt cakes. I know they won’t take that long to cook, so I think the most time-consuming part with be with mixing up the batter. I’m trying to do as much as I can that makes me happy before I’m knee-deep into homework and won’t think about anything else. I’ll definitely take pictures of the first mask I finish lol. It’ll be the first thing I sewed using a sewing machine.

We’re getting closer to school starting. I’ve watched the videos I need to for ASL. It’ll be interesting going to class on zoom, especially on Mondays sense my dogs love to bark at anything and everything lol.

I got some of the masks sewed, but they still need the pleats, so I need to iron them, then sew them again and put the ties on them.

I’m making milk and honey bread. Though I added more honey in it than the recipe called for. I really wanted it to taste of honey. My arms were hurting from all the kneading I did to it. I kneaded it for a good 5-7 minutes.

Wow, I just realized I haven’t written on here much this week. I’ve been so focused on getting ready for school to start and sewing that I forgot lol. So I guess this week is a short post. I’ll try to have more to say in my next post.

Baking to pass the time

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Not having homework and whatnot, I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I should be doing something. I’m probably going to be cooking a lot because I don’t know what else to do with myself. I’m going to be starting school either on the 6th of April or the 13th. When I’m able to message my teachers, I’ll ask them what day we start. I need to go to the school for my books. Same with Brandon, we need to go to the school for his books. It’s going to be a pretty penny for them. I hope I have enough on my credit cards.

So I ordered Sei Bella Revital skincare through my brother’s business called Melaleuca. He signed me up as a customer, and I ordered that as my first order. I really wanted to try the skincare and how well it works. So, I’m going to try it for a month and do a side by the side of now when I first tried it to the 30-day mark. If I really like it, I’m going to order it again and keep using it. I want to try the cosmetics and hair care through them. That way, I can give a full review of their products. I’ve already tried their cleaning products and really like them. The toilet cleaner got a stain off the toilet that I’ve been trying to get since we moved in. The laundry detergent works really well and makes our clothes smell really lovely. What I really like about the products is they’re all-natural. So, there’s nothing harmful in the products and won’t cause irritation to your skin. The skincare doesn’t have a strong smell to them; it smells lightly of herbs. It’s not an obnoxious smell, it’s light and subtle. So far, my skin is really soft after using it. When I went with my brother, mom, and dad to learn more about his company, I won a cup that keeps your drink at the same temp no matter what. It works so good. I love having warm coffee for more than an hour. I don’t drink my coffee very fast so it staying warm is really lovely.

I’ll do a more in-depth review of the products once I try them more.

What to talk about?

I feel like I should be doing something! What to do?!

Oh, I didn’t realize the picture was a little blurry, but Angel is already half the size of the couch. I can only wonder how much she weighs now. The sofa is mom’s bed, and that’s why there are so many blankets and pillows on the couch. I need to get a good one of Dasiy too. Maybe take a picture of them standing on their hind legs to show how big they are now.

So now I making bread again this time, just two white loaves. I’ll do another later with flavorings and whatnot. I’ll post pictures once it’s done. It’s been so long since I just baked for the fun of it. I’m really like doing this. I’m going to make cookies and more bread. I’m planning on making some pies with a hot water crust. I’m trying recipes I wouldn’t usually work. I think it’s a good thing that I’m doing this. It’s helping me emotionally. Ooo, maybe I should make fresh pasta! Oh, and I’m planning on making soft breadsticks I might stuff them with cheese lol.

Here’s the picture of the bread I made. The food turned out really good. I put pretzel salt on the outside just because we had it lol. 

Well, I’ve baked bread, and I’m making cookies. I’m already made 4 dozen cookies. I make red velvet and white chocolate chip macadamia nut.

I’m planning on making chocolate chip, espresso chip, and salted caramel chip. So in all, I’m going to make about 10 dozen cookies. Then I’m going to make a pie than some more bread. I just haven’t figured out what to do with myself now that I’m not focusing on school. I’m probably going to be like this all spring break. Here are the recipes I followed for my cookies:

Cookie base

2 ¼ cups flour

½ tsp salt

¾ tsp baking powder

¾ cups (1 ½ sticks) butter

1 cups + 2 tbsp brown sugar

1 cups + 2 tbsp caster sugar

3 large eggs

1 tsp vanilla

2 bags of chocolate chips of choice

 

Cream butter and sugar together until well combined. Add one egg at a time, letting each addition incorporate evenly. Add salt vanilla and baking powder. Let it mix evenly. Add flour half a cup at a time so it can incorporate evenly. Then add chocolate chips of choice. Let rest for a couple hours in the fridge. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake until golden, usually about 12-15 minutes depending on oven. If your oven runs high in temp cook at 325 until golden.

Notes: If you want them chocolate as chocolate cookies, replace ¾ of flour with cocoa powder. I use this base for my cookies and add whatever chocolate chips I have at the time. I put espresso flavor and white chocolate chips for one, another I did salted caramel and milk chocolate, then I made a plain chocolate chip.

 

White chocolate macadamia nut cookies

½ cups of butter

4 ounces of cream cheese

1 cup caster sugar or sweetener of choice.

¼ tsp salt

1 egg

1 tsp almond extract

½ tsp baking powder

1 ¾ cups flour

2 cups macadamia nuts chopped toasted if you like

4 cups white chocolate chips

 

Cream together butter and cream cheese. Add sugar until incorporated. Add the egg, almond extract, salt, and baking powder. Once everything is well integrated, add the flour ½ cup at a time. Once combined, add chocolate chips and macadamia nuts. Fold in them in. Allow resting for 2 hours in the fridge. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 15 minutes.

Note: I think I want to try adding honey to this and see how it tastes. I think doing that instead of sugar would be really good.

 

White chocolate chip red velvet cookies

1 ¾ cups flour

3 tbsp cocoa powder

1 ½ tsp baking powder

½ cup butter

2 large eggs

¾ tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp coconut vinegar

1 tbsp red food coloring

4 cups White chocolate chips

 

Cream together sugar and butter together until light and fluffy. Add one egg at a time, then add vanilla, coconut vinegar, and food coloring allow to mix thoroughly. Add cocoa powder and allow that to mix carefully then add baking powder. After that’s mixed well, add the flour ½ cup at a time. Gently fold in white chocolate chips. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 12-15 minutes depending on if you want then soft or crunchy.

Note: I thought about making a cream cheese frosting to put on top of the cookies. I think that would make it really good.

I found this online and made it to my liking. There were some elements that I liked to change and make it somewhat my own. I would give credit I just can’t find them now I don’t know what I put in to search for them lol oops. If they look familiar, let me know so I can edit this post with credit to you.

I’m not sure what happened to the recipe for the bread, but if you look up basic yeast bread dough, it should come up, hopefully, lol.

So I organized my skincare a bit, but I want to get the stuff from the bathroom organized. Just to make sure it’s all in the same place, and I don’t have to hunt around for it.

So, yesterday mom and I went to the store and used our credit card to get food for the next couple weeks because the governor put in effect no leaving the house unless necessary for like doctor appointments, meds, and food. Otherwise, there’s no need to leave to go anywhere. We’re planning on just staying indoors and waiting until the order is lifted. Though, I’m going to go to project beauty share Monday. I should be free of this cough by then.

I ordered food for the animals and a toy for the dogs. They absolutely love it! It looks like a stick, and they keep playing with it. Hopefully, it lasts. It’s supposed to be for aggressive chewers. I just realized we’re low on training treats, so I just ordered more. My credit card is going to be so full after all this is done.

I have my therapy appointment today, we’re doing it over the phone again. We’ll be doing it over the phone for a while until this virus blows over.

I’ve made the cookies, and I still need to make the pies. I’m going to make an apple, a blueberry, and a lemon. I’m looking up on how to do a meringue, and I’m probably going to do a Swiss meringue because that actually heats up and cooks the egg whites. I’m going to have to toast the top of it using the oven. Then I’m going to try and learn to make cannoli shells, then I’ll worry about learning to make the fillings. Yes, I know I should be studying pastry lol. Cooking seems to be the only time I feel happy and content. But I don’t want to get into the business and lose that passion I have for it. I don’t know I’m trying to find a job at a bakery. I think that would give me the idea of if I want to pursue that career type. I’m going to finish getting my AA then go into the library Technician program. I really want to finish what I started then go into the pastry program.

Oh, man! I just looked at what books Brandon and I need for school. It’s going to cost a pretty penny. Hopefully, I get my financial aid or my check before then. Have to figure out how to pay for them.

I need to get my schedule back to normal. I shouldn’t be staying up past midnight and sleeping the day in. Tonight I’m going to take my meds at a decent time.

Yesterday mom fell down really hard, she’s hurting pretty bad now. She hit her whole left side on the ground really hard. I wish I could drive so I could take her to the doctors. I really need to get my license.

I’m trying to think of recipes that I can try and make. I want to do more loaves of bread, including a sweet bread. Possibly some cinnamon rolls. But we’ll see how much butter I have after making pies and what not lol. Though, I don’t have cream cheese now to make cream cheese frosting. Oh well, if we have to, we can go get it when we go to get meds.

So far, the skincare I’m trying out is good, it’s been leaving my skin really soft. I’ve been pretty good about washing my face day and night. Moms has been keeping up with cleaning her face day and night too. I organized my skincare and put away what I’m not using while I’m using the Sei Bella. It really gives more room in the bathroom on the shelves. I have so much skincare now, but I’m trying not to use anything other than the Sei Bella. I want to get a proper idea of how it works and if I entirely like it. If I really like it, I’ll get it again next month.

So I’ve been snooping around on the internet on how to make particular cakes. I’ve found one called European sponge cake (genoise). I’ve printed out the recipe, and I’m planning on trying it out. I’ve also looked into making a rough puff pastry and found a recipe that looks easy. I just have to plan that one in advance because I have to freeze the butter and have the flour in the freezer to keep really cold. I think it’ll be a fun thing to make. Maybe I should try making it with the girls sometime or the European sponge cake (genoise). I think they’d have a blast making those. I ordered the big book of the Great British Baking Show. I guess I’ll have a lot to practice once I get that book. I’d love to see if they have the recipes that people made on the show. I’d like to make some of them. Especially the bread filled with either savory or sweet fillings. 

Yesterday I just vegged out and watched the Great British Baking Show. I’m getting inspired to cook watching that show. It’s inspiring to see these home bakers bake on there and be passionate about it.

I think my passion for cooking is coming back, and I’m considering going into baking. I already know if I go into it, I’d start my own patisserie shop with sweets from around the world. I already know what I’d name the business to lol The Witches Candy House. There’s so much I want to learn to bake. I know I want sweets, but I also wish to make savory things as well. There’s so much I can make and learn.

If there’s anything else, you want me to talk about, let me know. I know I’m talking a great deal about food. I’m just getting my passion for it back, and I’m enjoying it. So, yeah, let me know your thoughts and what you like to read about.