I know it’s been some time since I wrote anything on here. I’ve thrown myself into diamond painting and also writing down my world finally. I got the timeline of everything down and it’s slowly coming together.
My world does have a name lol it’s called Skeliholm!
I have it figured out to be at least five books in the series, but I keep remembering things that happened in the world. So, it might become longer 😆. It feels like it backfires though because writing it all down is everything I felt from my past. I’m slowly slipping back into that fantasy world, and it scares me. I’ve been trying so damn hard not to go there, but now I’m struggling to pull myself out of it and stay out. 😨
I’m also working on side projects that coincide with the story. Including a board game, a chili oil, a curry recipe, and if I can get the painting down, there will be pictures painted that the main character creates. Other things will go along with it, but those are the main things for the moment.
So far, I’ve primarily written dialogue and actions in the stories and haven’t added too many details of the happenings around the fantasy world. I mainly wanted to get the main events and actions down before worrying about the minor things. I did have to take a break from writing after going into Vasska’s mind, and I’m now going into the Sand Kats area, which is just as dark. It starts out fun and great but then… I don’t know how to word it now, except it’s intense for me mentally because I’m feeling the characters’ feelings while I write out their parts. I don’t know how else to write them without entering their minds.
I know most of you don’t know about all the sides to my mind. Well, believe it or not, I put names and faces with each side of my mind and it’s been the only way to really understand how and why I think the way I do. Now I’m going to add in what I wrote in my story when I introduced them.
“The bat, owl, dragon, hamster, rabbit, and the bastard of a goldfish’s honest thoughts!
Basically, I want to write down what I’m thinking when I go into my fantasy world. That fantasy world is run by a bat, an owl, dragon, a hamster (ringleader), a rabbit, and a bastard of a goldfish. Why didn’t I put the hamster first? Because I didn’t want to boost her inflated ego, otherwise she’d walk about like she owns this shit. Technically, she does, but let’s not tell her that.
Why do I put it as animals run my fantasy world? Because I’ve always referred to my brain as one with the Hamster center stage yelling at me what to do. She is the main one who controls my mental disorders and brought her weird-ass friends to coach me on how to deal with life.
Newsflash assholes! You fucked up. My therapist said so.
You’re probably wondering out of all of them who is deciding to spill all this. It’s an elusive squirrel who secretly is a double agent to all involved. I always said fear the squirrels for a reason, lol.
The squirrel is spilling everything and is giving the finger to the rest. Because she said, she’s the sanity of the bunch. My paranoia tells me it’s a lie but then again, why shouldn’t I trust her? She’s the reason I see a therapist once a week and told me the medications are a cocktail of happiness. I still am uncertain of that. Though she threatens to bring in the bat if I don’t take that cocktail, all hope would be gone. The bat thinks of herself as a hermit crab and doesn’t like people. So, we hide in the caves until the coast is clear, then we slip out unnoticed and do shit that makes people ask how something moved or got there.
So yeah, all of these fuckers are part of my mind; they all have a part to play.
The bat – Hates the light, sun, and anything that’s frilly girly and hides from the world because? People, ewe!
The owl – The nerd who tries to learn as much as she can about things but always ends up in obsession over said thing, and we get an abundance of useless information that nobody cares about. The owl is the reason I own so much makeup, colored pencils, diamond paintings, coloring books, and the list goes on…
The rabbit is the horny one of the bunch and is always the one that pushes my mind into the dirtiest of holes. Yes, she meant that in all ways, lol.
The goldfish tells me that I have to pay attention to everything shiny and makes noise but refuses to record it. She and owl get into many fights about record keeping.
The squirrel – tells me every logical thing and tells me that I can’t do shit about it. She’s the one that checks all facts and gets way too literal to the point we forget what sarcasm is. To where we try to be sarcastic but end up pissing off someone, and they think we’re serious. Fucking bitch!
Dragon – is the reason I struggle to let go of things and remembers all the past things that have gone wrong. She’s also the reason I get angry or irritated so easy. People are irritating and not to trust them if they resemble my past experiences. If it’s the person who did those acts that they are not to be trusted ever again.
And lastly, hamster – the ringleader. She is the reason I stuff my face every time things are stressful and tells me to buy shit impulsively, I don’t need. She’s a judgmental bitch, and tells me I’m an idiot, ugly, and everyone hates me, including the animals.
Hamster is the reason I have a fantasy world. I didn’t have friends, so she had the idea to create them. At least then we can say if they stay or go. We can give them a backstory, talk about their lives and live among them. That was supposed to last until I went to middle school because then, I’d have a friend or two, I’d be popular! But, no, we held on to them and their lives. Enslaving them to our minds and eventually becoming a slave to them.”
These characters are me in all; my therapist thinks I should make a new character to add to them so I can better accept changes happening in my life along with love and what not. These guys are who I am, and I can’t add a new character to my mind. They’re each side of my mentality and why I act the way I do at times. They’re not literal animals. They’re me in animal onesies that represent the animal they’re named after.
Anyways, I’m still on dating sites and some guys on there. They get so butthurt when I say how I felt about things that have been discussed between us. I wrote this on OneNote one night, and yeah, this is how I feel about it at times. Especially after meeting a couple of guys in person.
I’m not going to beg anyone to stay in my life. I did that for ten fucking years. I refuse to do it again, I’ll care about that person, but if they choose to leave, that’s on them. I don’t need them in my life, I want them in it, but I’m not going to demand them.
People always say you shouldn’t burn that bridge with that person 😒 you know what? I’ll grab a fucking can of kerosene and a box of matches. Light that shits on fire and roast a mother fucking marshmallow while I watch the person flip out that I’m cutting them out of my life.
If they choose to leave me, then I have every right to cut them the fuck out of my life! 🖕 I’m done crying over someone who doesn’t give a shit about me or my feelings. I’m tired of being nothing more than an achievement, amusement, & sex object. 🖕😤💯 �
So, I know some people will read this and think it’s about them; well, if the shoe fucking fits, sure, but the world doesn’t revolve around you and your inflated ego. So, you want it about you, then fine, but I can guarantee it’s not! 🖕
I know I was in emotional mind when I wrote that out. I wasn’t rationally thinking about other things or people I was talking with. I just got pissed after meeting up with someone, and they basically treated me exactly like my ex-husband. It pissed me off to no end, and I really felt like I should have charged the guy to meet up with me. 😒
I will say after that experience that I have considered just making an Only Fans because I feel like guys only want me for sex. Yes, I’m open to talking about it, and I don’t mind joking about it, but when it becomes the only thing, if all we are fucking talk about is sex, it gets on my nerves. Can’t we talk about something else that’s not sexual, or is that too much to ask?
I do have times when I talk to someone, and I know Rabbit grabs hold of the controls sometimes, and I just become a horny bitch who wants dick. Then the rest of them dog piles on top of her telling her not to meet up with guys just for that. I will admit she is convincing at times, especially when she makes me believe that’s all I’m good for. 😒 At times, she can be such a fucking bitch, but she knows how to make me believe that about myself. 😔🐰😩
Anyways, this is an introduction to the sides of my mind that I’ve never told anyone about. They’ve been hidden until now; I know many people will think I’m crazy, but whatever. 🤷