Mentally sluggish

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This week… I’m struggling mentally… I’ve found I haven’t had much motivation this past week… I’ve even gotten behind on my homework… I’ve been trying to catch up… Mentally I feel sluggish. I haven’t written on here until today when I’m posting this… I think with staying in the house so much I’m just struggling to do stuff. I don’t know maybe I’m getting stir crazy being cooped up. I’m trying to be productive but finding it difficult to do stuff. I want to do more but finding I’m losing all motivation late afternoon. 

Cooking… I’ve been cooking regular meals but I haven’t baked much. I’ve gotten a lot of pans and cookie cutters. I want to make sugar cookies now lol. I got a bundt pan because I didn’t have a big one and it came with a cover for the cake after being made. I like that it came with a cover to store the cakes in.

Start juicing… I bought a juicer because I want to start juicing. I want to be able to detox and get healthy. 

Schoolwork… Like I said I’ve been behind on my school work. I’m trying to catch up so I don’t get too far behind in stuff. I enjoy the classes I’m in I just get hit with a wave of depression and my schoolwork suffers. In communications this past week we learned about religions around the world. I was assigned to Buddhism. I know a good deal about it because of DBT. The creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a Catholic-Buddhist. So during DBT we learn about meditation and controlling our thoughts. We learn about how our minds are what’s known as a monkey mind. Basically, we grasp at any and every thought that comes to mind. We hold onto that thought until we start mentally freaking out over nothing. I had to talk about what I found interesting that I didn’t know already. And I struggled with that. I ended up turning in the assignment late because I’ve been struggling mentally. I still need to go into the discussion and do replies to my classmates about the religions they were assigned. In ASL I did a story about 3 bats. Here’s the video if you know ASL.

This is the ASL gloss. Let me know if you want the English translation. But you can get the gist of it from the Gloss format.

3 bats one small name J-O-E one medium one name Edward one big one named Jacob 

Flowers little bat J-o-e search for find many N-E-C-T-A-R full  

Home he go-to-sleep.  

Medium bat E-d-w-a-r-d fly around find bugs. 

Find many big bugs eat many too full to fly tree he sleeps 

Big bat J-a-c-o-b search for fruit find mangos 

Smelled good ate much(too heavy) home he go-to-sleep  

If you want to see more videos of me signing let me know I can post more. I think I might do some story cubes and create stories and post videos of the stories. I think that’ll be fun to do. I need to practice my ASL more. If anyone wants to Zoom and do a story cubes game night let me know.

Makeup… I should take pictures of the makeup I got… and I should do my makeup lol… I got a great deal of makeup lately. I think I’m going to make a separate post about the makeup I got and if I can swatches. I don’t know I might make a video talking about it but that’s if I get the time and the house to be quiet for a few while I make the video.

The animals… The animals are doing good. Angel stood on her hind legs and put them on my shoulders. Her head was up to mine. So she’s 5’5″ long and still growing lol. They really need baths and their nails trimmed. They like to paw at us when they want something and the nails are very pointy. They’re not sharp like the cats but they are pointy and very apparent.

Crafts… I’ve been trying to do more crafts to help with my mental health. I thoroughly enjoy doing crafts. It really helps me mentally to do something creative.

Since learning to sew I’ve been getting cloth to sew more. I’m finding I’m enjoying the process of measuring cutting and then sewing things together. I got some cloth for a quilt. Moms going to show me how to make it.

I got patches for my jean jacket that I just bought. I’m going to dye the jacket black then I’m going to iron these on. I have more on the way I’ll post a picture once I get them and get them on the jacket. I’m excited to put them on. I know if they don’t stick I’m going to sew them on.

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March was a doozy of a month O.o

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March was a doozy of a month. We had our finals for school, and now everyone has to stay home due to the covid-19 virus. So did I pass my classes? I passed 3 out of the 4. Not surprisingly, I didn’t pass math. So I have to retake it. Hopefully, with this different teacher, I’ll be able to pass the math class. So, far I like what she has to say in her syllabus. I don’t know if we’re starting classes on the 6th or the 13th. I know Brandon doesn’t begin until the 17th of April. They said we’re supposed to get our financial aid on the 8th of April. I know the banks are supposed to stay open, so hopefully, we’ll be able to get money off of it to pay our bills. Otherwise, we’re paying our bills with our school cards, and I’ll have to figure out how much to pay off of each card.

I realized I forgot to put the shortening and butter in the fridge for the pie crust. I’m also going to make a rough puff pastry. Its the easy way to make puff pastry. I saw it a lot on The Great British Baking Show. It’s where I saw that cake that I want to make and other things that make me want to make them. Oh, watching them make meringue made me want to try and make it again. I tried years ago to make it but failed miserably, so I want to try again.

I need to get my schedule back to normal. I’m staying up past midnight and sleeping until almost noon. I can’t keep this schedule when school starts.

I got some fake nails and put them on and painted them. They’re not with acrylic, only the nail. I didn’t want to do all the acrylic. That would take me forever, and with no proper sanding tools, yeah, it would take a long time.

Dog’s are playing. Cats are sleeping. Brandon is playing the PS4. Mom’s drinking coffee and watching TV. I’m sitting here drinking coffee, and soon as I’m done, I’m going to heat some water and wash my face. I’m making cleaning my face a routine during the day and night. Heating the water and being mindful of the process of washing my face. I’m trying to think of what skill that is from DBT, but there’s a specific skill that you can practice so your in the moment and just focusing on the process of what you’re doing. I’ll ask my therapist what skill that is. I think that’s the skill I’ve been using cooking.

Mom suggested I talk about having to stay home because of the virus when I want to go to school. To be honest, it’s not any different from when I was in a mental state not to leave the house what so ever. My anxiety and depression made it to where I didn’t want to go anywhere. The less I went places, the happier I was before. Now, yes, I want to go to school, and I’m going a bit stir crazy, not leaving, but I’m doing better mentally. I’m cooking and trying to make a positive thing out of this. I’m definitely in a better mental state now than when I was before when I didn’t want to leave the house what’s so ever. I’m working on writing on here and cooking. Whereas before, I wouldn’t do anything and just lay in bed doing nothing.

So I’ve put the chore chart back in place. We’re going to do $30 for the end of the month prize for the person with the most points. I got these chore charts off of amazon, and I wanted to encourage cleaning around the house not just for me but for everybody. I want the chart to be in place when we move in with Richard and the girls. Though, I might put in a different prize for the girls, so they’re getting rewarded for their chores. But I’ll have to talk to Richard and see what he wants to do.

I made the pie crust, and that’s resting in the fridge. Now I mixed up, and I’m baking the dog treats. What I put in them is

Dog treats

16 ozs or 1 lb of peas frozen-thawed

1 lb of broccoli from frozen-thawed

3 cups shredded carrots fresh

1 tbsp coriander

1 ½ tbsp ground ginger

1 ½ tbsp ground cinnamon

1 cup organic PB fit peanut butter

1 cup steel-cut oats

Four eggs

¾ cups water

Heat oven up to 350 degrees. Mix everything. Put on parchment covered cookie sheet in an even layer. Bake for 50 minutes. Let them cool completely, then cut as big or as small as you want. Refrigerate the rest.

So the dogs love the treats I made for them they’re going nuts over them lol.

I made enough pie crust for three pies and one quiche. I wanted to make a potato, onion, and cheese quiche.

So, what to talk about?

I painted my nails pink with a copper accent nail. They’re a bit messy looking, but I like them. I also fudged them up before they dried, so a couple looks like crap. So far, I’ve been able to do my contacts with the nails.

Oh, I plucked my eyebrows because they were becoming one lol. I was able to see them after I put in my contacts and saw they needed plucking. So I plucked them, and I’m thinking of doing my makeup just not sure.

I’m thinking of making a pineapple curd. We have everything to make it except the cornstarch. I think pineapple curd with a lemon or line curd would taste amazing. I could make haupia and put it with that that would taste wonderful. We’ll see if anyone on Facebook will give up a recipe that I can use so I can try and make it.

I made a garlic and herb bread. It turned out so much better than the last one I made.

They turned out so good I want to make grilled cheese out of a slice of it. You can’t see in the picture, but they’re huge lol. Brandon said they look like hamburger buns lol. They were right out of the oven in this picture.

I think food is my escape from my worries right now. Cooking does make me happy, and it’s a nice distraction. I’m going to make breadsticks filled with cheese too.

I made pineapple curd, and it tastes so good. I’m going to make lemon curd and key lime curd for pies and cream puffs.

I didn’t get to make the lemon curd, but I’m going to make that tomorrow. But I did make cinnamon rolls which didn’t turn out, so I’m going to try a different recipe. I found one that might work, but we’ll see after I make them. But the curds were so good!

Today I’m making lemon curd along with trying that new cinnamon roll recipe. I need to do the dishes first, and I already promised to make cream puffs so I might make those first then make the cinnamon rolls. Oh, and I still need to blind bake my pie crusts so I can make the haupia and pineapple pie with meringue for that pie too. I have some dried beans I can use to blind bake them.

I’ve made this post mostly about food. I just can’t seem to think about anything else, especially with how I’ve been cooking. My entire therapy appointment, all I talked about was food. My therapist said she hadn’t eaten lunch, and I was making her hungry lol. It’s funny she like garlic just as much as I do. But I have been making sure to wear my Slytherin apron that Brandon got me for our wedding anniversary.

I love Harry Potter, and when I went onto the website, I got sorted into the house Slytherin. I so wish I could go down to Florida to visit Harry Potter World at Universal Studios. I was to get my wand and robes. But for now, I’ll just rock my apron while I cook. I should try and do something Harry Potter themed when I cook. I want the Harry Potter cookbook. I have that cookbook on my wish list on Amazon along with the Lord of The Rings cookbook. I also have other cookbooks on there that I want from the Great British Baking Show. Though, I should look on Thriftbooks to see if I could order them cheaper. I don’t know we’ll see kind of wish I could share my wishlist on there for people to order from and get it sent to me. Like you can find on Amazon. I have a wishlist for my birthday wants, and they’re all cookbooks lol. I do enjoy reading cookbooks. I like learning about how to cook things, especially sweets.

I need other things to talk about on here lol. I know I took a couple days off from writing on here to bake, but I also didn’t know what to talk about. No one is giving me ideas of what to talk about on here.

I haven’t been doing a whole lot besides baking and watching TV. Well, more watching movies on VUDU and TV shows on Netflix.

I’ve been listening to music every night before bed. I haven’t listened to rock music for a long time, and I’ve been enjoying listening to it before bed. I have Amazon music so I can listen to music, and I’ve been able to listen to the newest stuff on there but also the old stuff I enjoy. When I get money, I want to buy the songs I really like so I can have them on my computer—been really into listening to Five Finger Death Punch, Skillet, Disturbed, and Korn. I know I haven’t just sat and listened to those bands in a couple of years. I’m so out of the loop with music I don’t know what’s in anymore lol. I feel so old because of that lol.

With this virus, it’s making it hard for people to go out and do stuff. I’m not complaining; I’m just stating a fact. The only thing that’s been changed drastically is I can’t go to the gym, and the house is too small to workout in. I’d end up tripping over the animals or bumping into my mom and husband. And I don’t know if I should go for walks beside it’s getting sunny and I don’t want to be in the sun lol.

So I made the lemon curd, and it tastes of lemon but not as Tarte maybe because I used Meyer lemons. Through all of my cooking, I came up with my curd recipe.

So I made the cinnamon rolls again, and they turned out this time. I’m glad I used this recipe, and they turned out perfectly. Though I didn’t put the cream cheese topping on, I kinda wanted them without. But ya never know I might change my mind. I forgot to take a picture, and I’m sure you know what cinnamon rolls look like lol.

That’s it for now if you have anything you want me to talk about just let me know.

Baking to pass the time

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Not having homework and whatnot, I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I should be doing something. I’m probably going to be cooking a lot because I don’t know what else to do with myself. I’m going to be starting school either on the 6th of April or the 13th. When I’m able to message my teachers, I’ll ask them what day we start. I need to go to the school for my books. Same with Brandon, we need to go to the school for his books. It’s going to be a pretty penny for them. I hope I have enough on my credit cards.

So I ordered Sei Bella Revital skincare through my brother’s business called Melaleuca. He signed me up as a customer, and I ordered that as my first order. I really wanted to try the skincare and how well it works. So, I’m going to try it for a month and do a side by the side of now when I first tried it to the 30-day mark. If I really like it, I’m going to order it again and keep using it. I want to try the cosmetics and hair care through them. That way, I can give a full review of their products. I’ve already tried their cleaning products and really like them. The toilet cleaner got a stain off the toilet that I’ve been trying to get since we moved in. The laundry detergent works really well and makes our clothes smell really lovely. What I really like about the products is they’re all-natural. So, there’s nothing harmful in the products and won’t cause irritation to your skin. The skincare doesn’t have a strong smell to them; it smells lightly of herbs. It’s not an obnoxious smell, it’s light and subtle. So far, my skin is really soft after using it. When I went with my brother, mom, and dad to learn more about his company, I won a cup that keeps your drink at the same temp no matter what. It works so good. I love having warm coffee for more than an hour. I don’t drink my coffee very fast so it staying warm is really lovely.

I’ll do a more in-depth review of the products once I try them more.

What to talk about?

I feel like I should be doing something! What to do?!

Oh, I didn’t realize the picture was a little blurry, but Angel is already half the size of the couch. I can only wonder how much she weighs now. The sofa is mom’s bed, and that’s why there are so many blankets and pillows on the couch. I need to get a good one of Dasiy too. Maybe take a picture of them standing on their hind legs to show how big they are now.

So now I making bread again this time, just two white loaves. I’ll do another later with flavorings and whatnot. I’ll post pictures once it’s done. It’s been so long since I just baked for the fun of it. I’m really like doing this. I’m going to make cookies and more bread. I’m planning on making some pies with a hot water crust. I’m trying recipes I wouldn’t usually work. I think it’s a good thing that I’m doing this. It’s helping me emotionally. Ooo, maybe I should make fresh pasta! Oh, and I’m planning on making soft breadsticks I might stuff them with cheese lol.

Here’s the picture of the bread I made. The food turned out really good. I put pretzel salt on the outside just because we had it lol. 

Well, I’ve baked bread, and I’m making cookies. I’m already made 4 dozen cookies. I make red velvet and white chocolate chip macadamia nut.

I’m planning on making chocolate chip, espresso chip, and salted caramel chip. So in all, I’m going to make about 10 dozen cookies. Then I’m going to make a pie than some more bread. I just haven’t figured out what to do with myself now that I’m not focusing on school. I’m probably going to be like this all spring break. Here are the recipes I followed for my cookies:

Cookie base

2 ¼ cups flour

½ tsp salt

¾ tsp baking powder

¾ cups (1 ½ sticks) butter

1 cups + 2 tbsp brown sugar

1 cups + 2 tbsp caster sugar

3 large eggs

1 tsp vanilla

2 bags of chocolate chips of choice

 

Cream butter and sugar together until well combined. Add one egg at a time, letting each addition incorporate evenly. Add salt vanilla and baking powder. Let it mix evenly. Add flour half a cup at a time so it can incorporate evenly. Then add chocolate chips of choice. Let rest for a couple hours in the fridge. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake until golden, usually about 12-15 minutes depending on oven. If your oven runs high in temp cook at 325 until golden.

Notes: If you want them chocolate as chocolate cookies, replace ¾ of flour with cocoa powder. I use this base for my cookies and add whatever chocolate chips I have at the time. I put espresso flavor and white chocolate chips for one, another I did salted caramel and milk chocolate, then I made a plain chocolate chip.

 

White chocolate macadamia nut cookies

½ cups of butter

4 ounces of cream cheese

1 cup caster sugar or sweetener of choice.

¼ tsp salt

1 egg

1 tsp almond extract

½ tsp baking powder

1 ¾ cups flour

2 cups macadamia nuts chopped toasted if you like

4 cups white chocolate chips

 

Cream together butter and cream cheese. Add sugar until incorporated. Add the egg, almond extract, salt, and baking powder. Once everything is well integrated, add the flour ½ cup at a time. Once combined, add chocolate chips and macadamia nuts. Fold in them in. Allow resting for 2 hours in the fridge. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 15 minutes.

Note: I think I want to try adding honey to this and see how it tastes. I think doing that instead of sugar would be really good.

 

White chocolate chip red velvet cookies

1 ¾ cups flour

3 tbsp cocoa powder

1 ½ tsp baking powder

½ cup butter

2 large eggs

¾ tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp coconut vinegar

1 tbsp red food coloring

4 cups White chocolate chips

 

Cream together sugar and butter together until light and fluffy. Add one egg at a time, then add vanilla, coconut vinegar, and food coloring allow to mix thoroughly. Add cocoa powder and allow that to mix carefully then add baking powder. After that’s mixed well, add the flour ½ cup at a time. Gently fold in white chocolate chips. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 12-15 minutes depending on if you want then soft or crunchy.

Note: I thought about making a cream cheese frosting to put on top of the cookies. I think that would make it really good.

I found this online and made it to my liking. There were some elements that I liked to change and make it somewhat my own. I would give credit I just can’t find them now I don’t know what I put in to search for them lol oops. If they look familiar, let me know so I can edit this post with credit to you.

I’m not sure what happened to the recipe for the bread, but if you look up basic yeast bread dough, it should come up, hopefully, lol.

So I organized my skincare a bit, but I want to get the stuff from the bathroom organized. Just to make sure it’s all in the same place, and I don’t have to hunt around for it.

So, yesterday mom and I went to the store and used our credit card to get food for the next couple weeks because the governor put in effect no leaving the house unless necessary for like doctor appointments, meds, and food. Otherwise, there’s no need to leave to go anywhere. We’re planning on just staying indoors and waiting until the order is lifted. Though, I’m going to go to project beauty share Monday. I should be free of this cough by then.

I ordered food for the animals and a toy for the dogs. They absolutely love it! It looks like a stick, and they keep playing with it. Hopefully, it lasts. It’s supposed to be for aggressive chewers. I just realized we’re low on training treats, so I just ordered more. My credit card is going to be so full after all this is done.

I have my therapy appointment today, we’re doing it over the phone again. We’ll be doing it over the phone for a while until this virus blows over.

I’ve made the cookies, and I still need to make the pies. I’m going to make an apple, a blueberry, and a lemon. I’m looking up on how to do a meringue, and I’m probably going to do a Swiss meringue because that actually heats up and cooks the egg whites. I’m going to have to toast the top of it using the oven. Then I’m going to try and learn to make cannoli shells, then I’ll worry about learning to make the fillings. Yes, I know I should be studying pastry lol. Cooking seems to be the only time I feel happy and content. But I don’t want to get into the business and lose that passion I have for it. I don’t know I’m trying to find a job at a bakery. I think that would give me the idea of if I want to pursue that career type. I’m going to finish getting my AA then go into the library Technician program. I really want to finish what I started then go into the pastry program.

Oh, man! I just looked at what books Brandon and I need for school. It’s going to cost a pretty penny. Hopefully, I get my financial aid or my check before then. Have to figure out how to pay for them.

I need to get my schedule back to normal. I shouldn’t be staying up past midnight and sleeping the day in. Tonight I’m going to take my meds at a decent time.

Yesterday mom fell down really hard, she’s hurting pretty bad now. She hit her whole left side on the ground really hard. I wish I could drive so I could take her to the doctors. I really need to get my license.

I’m trying to think of recipes that I can try and make. I want to do more loaves of bread, including a sweet bread. Possibly some cinnamon rolls. But we’ll see how much butter I have after making pies and what not lol. Though, I don’t have cream cheese now to make cream cheese frosting. Oh well, if we have to, we can go get it when we go to get meds.

So far, the skincare I’m trying out is good, it’s been leaving my skin really soft. I’ve been pretty good about washing my face day and night. Moms has been keeping up with cleaning her face day and night too. I organized my skincare and put away what I’m not using while I’m using the Sei Bella. It really gives more room in the bathroom on the shelves. I have so much skincare now, but I’m trying not to use anything other than the Sei Bella. I want to get a proper idea of how it works and if I entirely like it. If I really like it, I’ll get it again next month.

So I’ve been snooping around on the internet on how to make particular cakes. I’ve found one called European sponge cake (genoise). I’ve printed out the recipe, and I’m planning on trying it out. I’ve also looked into making a rough puff pastry and found a recipe that looks easy. I just have to plan that one in advance because I have to freeze the butter and have the flour in the freezer to keep really cold. I think it’ll be a fun thing to make. Maybe I should try making it with the girls sometime or the European sponge cake (genoise). I think they’d have a blast making those. I ordered the big book of the Great British Baking Show. I guess I’ll have a lot to practice once I get that book. I’d love to see if they have the recipes that people made on the show. I’d like to make some of them. Especially the bread filled with either savory or sweet fillings. 

Yesterday I just vegged out and watched the Great British Baking Show. I’m getting inspired to cook watching that show. It’s inspiring to see these home bakers bake on there and be passionate about it.

I think my passion for cooking is coming back, and I’m considering going into baking. I already know if I go into it, I’d start my own patisserie shop with sweets from around the world. I already know what I’d name the business to lol The Witches Candy House. There’s so much I want to learn to bake. I know I want sweets, but I also wish to make savory things as well. There’s so much I can make and learn.

If there’s anything else, you want me to talk about, let me know. I know I’m talking a great deal about food. I’m just getting my passion for it back, and I’m enjoying it. So, yeah, let me know your thoughts and what you like to read about.