I’m more clear headed

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I’m trying to be better about what I need to do. But my depression hit so hard I forgot to do some work that was due, and I can’t do it late. There’s no making it up; I just got to try and do better and getting stuff done. I really couldn’t believe I missed that work. I thought I did it, but apparently, I didn’t. *sigh*

So I guess I’ll just talk about my thoughts this past week.

I’ve been getting very irritable, and I’ve been trying not to lash out at people. I find myself apologizing quite often. I hope to change my meds; I can get better. I think my anxiety has been so high, and that’s making me more irritable. I know my anxiety is about school work and not getting it done. I’m in a vicious cycle of feeling guilty of not doing it, then feeling anxious about it and then irritability cause I haven’t done it then getting depressed cause I didn’t do it. It just keeps going around and around. But I’m trying to do better and get this under control so I could do better with my school work.

I’m a sucker for makeup brushes. I don’t have very many face brushes as I do eye brushes. I don’t know how they wash or apply makeup yet, but if you want them, here’s where I got them.

Makeup brushes

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I always talk about DBT (dialectical Behavior Therapy) and how it’s helped me so much. It really helps with emotion regulation and expressing yourself in a positive way. I highly recommend doing DBT.

DBT Workbook

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I’m struggling to stay focused sense lowering my one med I’m being weaned off of. I just want to curl up and cry right now.

I’m doing a little better today emotionally. Hopefully, I can focus long enough to do my homework that’s due today. I got my ASL done, but I didn’t get math and communications done. I’m going to have to do it late. I just got a migraine and couldn’t focus after I did ASL. I struggled to finish my ASL assignments.

On a good note, we have hot water now, and the fossette in the kitchen works better now after dad changed the fossette, and he changed the pipes for that bathroom, so we have hot water now. We had to change it out because it was leaking into the wall. The last thing we want is for black mold to start.

During this lockdown, I’ve become one of those people shopping all the time online. At least I got bills paid first before shopping. But having a credit card does not help the urge to shop.

My dad and brother fixed the pipes leaking from the bathroom. We finally have hot water. I’ll never take a shower for granted again. We didn’t have hot water for a few weeks. My landlord had to have the money to fix it first, and they finally did. My dad changed out all the pipes from cast iron to copper. He also changed the faucet in the kitchen. The other one was really clogged, and we couldn’t unclog it. So we changed it out. We also had to change an element out of the water heater because it went out for not having water in it for an extended period.

For Mother’s day, we went over to my brothers for a BBQ. Here’s the picture we took for mom to put in the frame Kenny gave her. The frame was a nine picture frame, and the center doesn’t have a picture in it. Mom wanted it to be a picture of us three.

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I’m finally going back to Project Beauty Share! I’m so happy to finally be going back to help out there. Julie called me yesterday and asked me to come in and help with the mail and to also help with another thing. So instead of going in on Mondays, I’m going in on Tuesdays.

We checked the mail, and I got my last patch! The death’s head moth! Comment if you know what this is from!

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So I’m going to put my patches on a jean jacket that I’m going to dye black and orange. I think it’ll look so good. Dad suggested I do that and I really like the idea.

Since lowering my medication I’ve been able to think clearer. The day after lowering I just wanted to curl up and cry but the next day I was able to think and have motivation for my homework. I’m hoping I have the motivation to do workouts now. I’m thinking of doing beachbody online. I really need to workout and lose the weight I gained after increasing that medication. I’ve gained 40 lbs. in 2 months. That’s not normal. I know I haven’t been eating the greatest so I have to work on that too. I have an appointment with my weight loss doctor next week. I hope she’s not disappointed in me for gaining this weight. We’ll see what she says.

As I said I’ve had more motivation to do my homework. I think I’ll be able to finish my math work before the end of the quarter. I don’t have much left to do so I’m wanting to finish it now. I signed up for my next classes and I’m doing math 88 and a fitness class that will be one credit. I needed to use the one credit so I can stay on track with what I have planned out. I have an academic plan that the counselor put together for me. So long as I follow that plan I’ll graduate next year and be able to transfer to Spokane Falls Community College. They have the library technician program that I want to do. After I do all that I might go to school for pastry. I haven’t decided yet. I love to cook and I love books. Might as well study both areas lol.

In ASL we’re going to be telling children’s stories. She wants us to do a story from when we were little and I picked the story Three Billy Goats Named Gruff. I loved that story when I was little. The other books I really enjoyed was Dr. Seuss. But she said those would be too difficult to do. So I picked the other story I really liked. And in case we do it for another week or if I want to just record and post a video of me telling a kids story I ordered two others. One named The Grumpy Monkey and The Wonky Donkey. They looked really cute. I think it’d be fun to tell kids stories in sign. I want to build my vocabulary with ASL. So I need to keep practicing signing and watching people do it. I wont learn if I don’t try to watch people talk in sign. I know I still have so much to learn. Even though I’m not going into the interpreter program I still want to be able to talk to those who are deaf. I want to communicate with everyone. That’s also why I want to learn Spanish, French, and Japanese. I’ve considered other languages but I’ll start with these.

I got more makeup brushes lol.

I have an addiction to all things makeup lol. I need to do my makeup more often. I want to get more makeup but I have to pay my bills first. At least I’m being responsible lol.

I can’t believe how much more clear headed I am since lowering that medication. I’m not feeling irritable or emotional. I feel more in the present moment.

Can’t seem to think

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It’s been a process getting back into the groove with classes. I’m trying to get a schedule down so I can get my work done on time. I had my second Zoom class session. I feel so out of it I don’t feel like I know ASL that well. I know I need to practice the vocab and practice signing. I need to take charge of my learning of ASL even though I can’t be in class physically.

I haven’t had time to think this week and write to relax. Homework is just needing to be done. I really need to set aside a time during the day to just write on here before homework. Having to do work online means you have to do more work than you would in an actual classroom setting. I’m trying to work on getting what I can do early. But it doesn’t help when things aren’t open until the next week, so I’m trying to get done what I can outside of that. I seem to wake up in the morning and spend half the morning just trying to wake up.

I’m trying to do what I can to get back into writing. I’m just struggling to try to figure out what to write about. I feel like I should be cooking and talking about what I made. But I’m struggling just cooking dinner most days.

So I went to Costco yesterday that was a chore. The line was ridiculous to get into the store. But It was kind of nice in the store because I wasn’t running into people left and right. I found a couple books that I think will be a perfect read. Here are the books…

and

I really like learning about history and Native Americans. I love to read cookbooks because it can tell me how to do a recipe in a way I didn’t think about. Also, I love learning new methods. I’ve already started reading the cookbook and marking recipes I want to try out.

Off of amazon, I ordered this book for my brother and his girls since he’s homeschooling them now.

I figured they’d have a great deal of fun doing the science experiments. I know the girls will have a blast learning about and watching them.

I’ve been slowly getting into doing my homework. I have a great deal due for the week, and I’m slowly getting it done.

Learning about what culture is and how everyone has it is interesting. In my writing assignment, I wrote about how I grew up with little money. That I’ve learned to always save what I can and use what we have already. So it’s interesting learning the different cultures people have.

I threw up yesterday, I don’t know if I had too much in my stomach, so my body just rejected it. But it was a couple hours after dinner, so I don’t know. I just hope it doesn’t happen again. I know I’ve been having heartburn lately. I’ve been taking antacids to try and keep it under control. I might switch my calcium meds to the chalky antacids so I can have my heartburn under control, and I’m getting my calcium. I’m doing what I can to eat slower than usual to see if that had something to do with it. I really hope I don’t have to switch my surgery to gastric bypass. If this keeps happening, they’ll have to do that. But I’m going to do what I can to get it under control.

I got a pan for $5, and it makes tiny square cakes. I really want to try it out. I found it at JoAnn’s on clearance. I went there to get some fabric to make a blanket. I found some adorable bee fabric that I want as a blanket. I got three blankets I want to make which one is going to be several different fabric sewed together to create an adorable quilt. I got the bee fabric, and I’m going to put a beautiful floral fabric on the back of it with a yellow edge. So the whole blanket is going to be black, grey, and yellow. The third blanket I’m going to make is a Slytherin from the Harry Potter blanket. That one is going to be black and green. I would really like some great Pyrenees fabric. I don’t know where to find it, though. I saw some people in the Great Pyrenees group had some for masks. I really should’ve asked where they got it, oh well. Maybe if I see them post it again, I’ll ask, or I’ll just google it lol.

I’m looking around to see if I can get Rocko’s picture on some fabric, and it seems like I can. I just have to wait until I get some extra money to get it.

So I found a piece of fabric with a rottweiler on it and ordered it for mom so she can put it on her quilt. She said she’s going to make it the center of the blanket. I found a place where I can get Rocko’s face on a piece on the fabric. It’ll cost about $15 to get it done. And since I want two different pictures, it’ll cost $30. I have my two favorite pictures of him, and it’s

I love these two pictures of him even though the normal color one is on the last day we had him. I miss him so much I can’t believe it’s officially been a year since we said goodbye to him. April 23, 2019, is when we said goodbye.

It’s Brandon and mines 9 year anniversary together. So, we’re sitting here watching people who are urban explorers. I’m going to have to look them up so I can still watch their videos after Brandon leaves for New York.

I’ve been looking at different patterns I can get for sewing. I was looking at costume patterns because some of the styles are perfect for goth looks. I really want to sew my own clothes so I can have the style I want. I rather spend the money on fabric and supplies so I can make a few pieces instead of spending $150 on one dress. Most goth clothes are $50-$150. It’s ridiculous how expensive it can be.

I’m thinking of doing daily posts instead of weekly posts. I’m not sure who reads my posts but I want to keep up with posting and doing it this way I’m able to recap my whole week in a day. But that also if I did it once a day it’ll keep me more determined to post every day even though I don’t write on it every day. I don’t know I’ll think about it. If your reading this tell me what you want.