Hello March

It’s now March, and I only have a couple weeks left of this quarter. This quarter has been interesting. I’m happy with what I’ve done so far in this quarter. Though, I do feel I could’ve done better. Having a severe depressive episode during this quarter did not help me. It made me struggle with my work and made me late with some work. I’ve been trying to do what I need to, but sometimes I find myself just sitting here doing nothing. I know that’s from my depression. I hope I don’t have this happen next quarter.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to retake math 87. I don’t mind so long as I get a teacher that helps me with actually learning the material. I mean, even if I do pass this class, I’d want to retake it so that I know that I’m able to do the material. I’ll need to know how to do the work with Math 88.

It’s Monday and a new day! I did my makeup and got all pretty because I felt like it. I bought a new outfit on Saturday and wanted to wear it, so I did. I’m now at school, and here’s a picture of my makeup. It’s nothing fancy, just something simple.

Though, I could’ve done better on my eyebrows. They’re a little light looking. Maybe I should use a tinted brow gel; I have some perhaps I should try it tomorrow. It’s going to surprise everyone at Project Beauty Share, seeing me all dressed up. I don’t usually get like this. I want to try and dress up most days. I think it’ll help my depression to subside somewhat. I know it’s not a for sure thing that it’ll recede, but it’s worth a try.

I’m going to try and make eclairs today. I need to make the custard cream then make the choux pastry. Though, I forgot to grab heavy cream for the chocolate sauce that goes on it. I want to make it and bring it to work. I think that’ll be something nice to do. I’m thinking of making the custard orange flavor or banana flavor. I’m thinking of making both and seeing which one I like more or if I’m going to do both lol. Brandon says I should do banana flavor. I’ll ask mom and see what she thinks I should do. I’ll try to post a picture on here of them after I make them. I think it’ll be fun to make and I’m considering doing the pastry program here at the school. That’ll be so much fun. I don’t know I’m delighted when I cook and when I do makeup.

I know my homework has been taking a hit with my depression hitting like this. I’m going to do my best to do my group project in history since the grade isn’t just for me but for all of us. I don’t want them to suffer a grade because I’m having issues. So, I’m doing what I can to do my research on my project and figuring out what I need to write a 5-7 page essay and also do a slide show. I need to figure out what put on there and how to do it. I like this class I wish I weren’t mentally like this right now. I’m trying to do what I need to for PE as well. Having a bronchial infection really made it hard to work out. I still have to use the inhaler the doctor gave me for it. I can feel mucus in my chest. I just can’t seem to cough it up. I think I’m going to have to get some medicine that’ll help me hack it up. My counselor wants me to figure out if I want to do a complete refresher course on DBT or just review it here and there. I’m thinking of the entire refresher course. I feel I might do better being taught the materials all over again.

This week should be interesting since we’ll be making up the paragraph for ASL as our expressive test. I can’t believe there’s only this week and next week left of the quarter. We have the word ghost/spirit to sign, so this should be interesting. There’s also the word pregnancy lol what a word combo. We’ll see who I get in a group and see what we all come up with.

Saturday night, mom lost feeling in her leg and didn’t realize it until she stood up. She fell really hard on the floor. I ran out of my room because I was in bed. I thought the dogs knocked something big down. I was really shocked to see mom and was moaning in pain. I helped her get up on to the couch. I stayed up with her until she could stand on her own. It wasn’t until the next day that she realized she forgot to take her pills, and that’s why she lost feeling and couldn’t sleep that night.

I have to say I feel very out of place in ASL. Everyone has a friend in that class, I feel like no one wants to talk to me. I try to speak,k but they instantly turn to someone else.

It’s Tuesday, and I did my makeup again lol.

I just did something simple since I woke up late. But I’m surprised I can do my makeup better when I don’t have my contacts in, and I can’t really see. Maybe because I’m so used to doing my makeup that way, I’m just not used to doing it while being able to see lol.

So, yesterday I didn’t get a whole lot done, but at the same time, I did. I got up at 4, did my makeup, and got dressed. I got on the bus came to school half asleep. Went to work from 7:15 to 9:15 was trying to reorganize the DVD’s in the library because they’re messed up. I’m going to work on it again today. I took a bus to Project Beauty Share, and they didn’t have much mail, so I didn’t stay as long as I usually do, which is okay with me. Julie there gave me a nice big-thick stainless steel pot and some mason jars. I carried that and my book bags home. I met up with Brandon at the plaza and went back. Then, mom took me to the bank and the post office. I had to stop and get my meds from Safeway, and that took forever. I stopped at the subway for my lunch/dinner. I got home and ate, then worked on homework. I was so exhausted. I fell asleep at 7. I didn’t get to make the eclairs like I wanted to. So yesterday I did a lot, but I didn’t get to do what I wanted. Hopefully, today I can. We’re just taking the stuff in the car to storage then taking the dogs to the groomers. Hopefully, I can get a picture of them before they get messy again lol.

I’m hoping I can keep up with doing my makeup daily. I also need to heat water at night and in the morning to wash my face each time. Getting in the routine of things still, and by the time I get in the routine, it’ll be spring break than a new schedule for school lol. Then I’ll have to get used to a new schedule.

Oh! I forgot one of the dogs lost a tooth! We found it on the floor and couldn’t figure out why Angel was bleeding from her mouth. We found the baby tooth and figured it out. I can’t tell you how happy I was to see that🙃. I’ll take a picture of it when I get home and post it here.

I’m looking into doing the pastry program after I get my degree in library technician. I know I got a few years to go first, but I want to look into it and practice as much as possible. That’s why I want to make eclairs so I can practice making a choux pastry and a Creme Patissiere. I think they’ll be fun to make and delicious to make. I want to flavor the Creme Patissiere with banana or orange. Brandon says I should do banana lol. Banana would work with the chocolate ganache on top. I wonder what else I should try making.

Brandon and I need to get our taxes done. I should call and make an appointment to do that. When we get our taxes depending on how much we get, I’m going to fill in my tattoo and do drivers ed because they said you could pay half at the start and the rest at the end. It’s something I really need to do and get done. It would also open up doors for employment.

I wonder what the ASL paragraph will be. I’m also wondering what group I’m going to be in. I wish everyone could do their paragraph. That way, there’s something different for her to see signed.

Well, we weren’t put into groups. The whole class has the same paragraph to do. This is the paragraph…

Last summer, the World ECO Committee met off the coast of Australia on an island.  We met because Australia had experienced a shocking wildfire.  The animals were struggling to survive.  Together with the Australian people, we compared plans of action.  Some of the ideas were pushed aside, and some rejected.  We recommended a rehabilitation plan for the country, and the government approved and will supervise it.

Here’s the picture of the pups after their grooming. And I need a hairspray with those wild stray hairs.

It’s a new day, and I’m tired. I did not want to wake up this morning. I didn’t get a chance to do my makeup because I woke up so late. I was out of it, and I still feel out of it. I’m trying to keep my mind thinking so I don’t fall asleep. I really need coffee☕.

I found a couple of necklaces, a ring, and a bracelet yesterday. The bracelet ring and one of the accessories have bees on them. Another necklace is of a kitty, then there’s a dragonfly, and the last one is a cross with opals on it. I found them all at TJMax. Mom found some for herself too. I’ll post a picture of all of them when I get home. I just don’t feel like taking photos of the ring bracelet and necklace at the moment. Plus, I also look like shit. I look like I just rolled out of bed.

Yesterday was a busy day. I went to work than school. I went and paid the storage unit and then had to take the dogs to the groomers. After we dropped them off, we went and picked up Brandon. I went back up to the Y and looked around at TJMax then waited at Petsmart for the dogs to be done at the groomers. The groomers that they usually get done by were shocked at how big they’ve gotten. They were like, “I used to be able to carry them with one arm!” They’ve grown so much in 4 weeks since they were there last. After getting home, I had to do homework, and it was late as it was I had to take my meds so I could wake up today. I can’t seem to catch a moment to myself, so I can make the eclairs.

Why is it I can think of a whole bunch to type up on here in the mornings. Maybe it’s because I’m trying to keep my mind working so I don’t fall asleep. I usually sit in the Cafe and sit on my laptop typing on here while I wait for the doors to open at work.

I know today is going to be another long day. I need to do my homework, but I also have to go to my counseling appointment. I’m going to lunch with my brother nieces and mom after school. I have to take a bus home after my meeting today since mom won’t be able to pick me up. I think mom starts watching the girls today. It’s either today or tomorrow. Richard has to go to Seattle for a doctor’s appointment for his shoulder. He had surgery not too long ago on it; I think it was last month that he had the surgery; it was either the beginning of last month or the end of January.

I just realized there’s some homework I forgot to do in history. My depression hitting is taking its toll homework wise. I think I need to make a to-do list so I can remember. There’s math I need to do and history and PE and try and make time to practice my ASL 😖. So much to do so little time due to having to take meds at a reasonable time so I can wake up. I wonder if I could talk to my medications doctor about lowering something. I have to take my meds at seven just so I can sleep by eight and wake up at 4, but today I woke up at 5 because Brandon had a hard time waking me up. I need to pay bills, and I have to remember to report my earnings from work. I hope I get the job at Torrid. I know I already did feel I have enough time in a day, but I need the job. I think I am going to talk to my medications doctor about mutt meds so I can wake up better in the morning. I need to make an appointment for taxes for medications, and I already have weekly meetings for my counseling. Ugh, I feel so frustrated with everything I need to do and need to try and do!

I have to say my mood has improved a lot since I’ve been writing. I think I should do gratitude posts to. I think that’ll help with my feelings. Hmmm, so what am I grateful for?

I’m grateful for…

My dogs 🐶, my cats 🐱, having a roof over my head 🏡, showers💧, being in school🏫, working as a work-study🧐, my friends🤡, coffee☕, my counselor👌, learning DBT👏, and having understanding people in my life🧠.

I think I’ll try to post more gratitude posts just let me know if I should keep them in my long posts or if they should be posted on there own.

Oh, I’m thinking of making a savory cream puff. I just need to figure out what flavor I should do it. Something that won’t spoil right away. Maybe a cheesesteak kind? I was also thinking of making savory crepes. I want to try and make different things; I just don’t feel I have the time. I know I’m bitching about time again. I’m sorry. I should just try and make time.

It’s been a couple weeks since I did a really long post. I guess I have more to talk about when I’m not sick lol. And no one tells me what to talk about on here. So, I just write about random thoughts lol. Should I do short reviews of stuff and places, or should I talk about more serious issues or leave it like it is? I’m thinking of posting the discussions that I’ve been doing for ASL on YouTube. Let me know if you’d be interested in watching them. I can think of translations on it, so you see what I’m signing. I was also thinking of compiling them into one long video and then posting it on there. I don’t know. If you read this far, let me know what you want or think about that. I need to do a deaf event or an interview with a deaf person. I just don’t know who or where to go.

Today isn’t even over, and I’m already exhausted. My teacher emailed mew another my assignment that was due last night, and I need to turn it in. So I’m going to work on that after I take the bus to frontier then go to Costco then home.

I got home last night after all that and was so hungry I stopped at McDonald’s for dinner. The dogs were happy I got them their fry lol. Angel wanted them so bad she was drooling a puddle. Daisy didn’t drool as much as Angel. Angel also kept chattering her teeth, wanting to eat her treats when we told her to wait. We’re trying to teach her not to take something until we tell her it’s okay.

I’m so tired. I hate having to wake up at 4 am to come to school. I struggle to wake up in the mornings. Brandon is good about getting me awake, but there are days when I just don’t acknowledge him, and I don’t wake up until 5. But still, that’s the crack ass of dawn, and it’s way too early.

So, my counselor suggested I call the VA and see if they have someone who is deaf that I can talk to and interview. She also told me to use Opposite to emotion on my DBT skills, which I did. I didn’t want to do my homework, but I did it anyway. I ran out of time to make the eclairs. I will make them this weekend! I want to make them so bad, and I want to try and make some savory ones like smoked salmon and rosemary. I wonder if I could cook them with cheese on the tops of them. The only way I’ll know is if I try to do it and make it. I just got to figure out different fillings I can do to put inside of them. If your reading this I’m open to ideas let me know lol. Oh, and she said I should maybe do separate posts about what I cook and bake since I enjoy it so much. She said I look thrilled when I talk about cooking, and she understands my wanting to complete the library technician program before I get into the pastry program. It wants to have that sense of accomplishment.

So, I found out there’s going to be a deaf event this weekend at a restaurant I’m going to try and make it so I can meet some people. I really want to make some friends, especially people I can learn from. I want to get better at ASL, and I want to be able to communicate with the deaf on a personal level. I don’t want them to feel out of place or left out when they’re around me. I think the only way I’ll learn is to repeat the signs and try to immerse myself in that culture.

At my counseling appointment, we talked a lot about food. She said I don’t need to go to school to be successful. I just need to practice and keep learning. She said that she’s always loved psychology and learned a great deal on her own before going to get her bachelor’s degree in it. She said she believes I can accomplish learning what I want without going to school. I’ve been trying to learn about that for so long because I love cooking and baking. I need to get back into working on my cookbook. I want to practice the old recipes from 50 – 100 years ago and revamp them, so they work with today’s ingredients. So, this spring break, I’m going to try and cook, bake, and work on the cookbook. I might try and find old recipes on eBay lol.

I’ve been looking into savory choux, and some people put cheese in the choux mix then baked it. That could work. Though, I’m still trying to figure out a filling.

I just got done with my appointment with my school counselor. We’ve figured out if I’m on track with my academic plan, and she was happy about the classes I signed up for in the spring. I feel very relieved that I’m on the right track and that I signed up for the classes I need. We figured it out so I can take courses in the summer and what I need to do from here on out, along with when I should talk to a counselor at Spokane Falls Community College. I should be on track to graduate from SCC in the spring of next year.

OMG, I’m not ready for my ASL test today lol. I’m practicing right now, but I should’ve been looking at it all week. Hearing it in English, then translating it into ASL, is hard when you can’t look at what you wrote down as a translation. This is what it looks like translated… the second line after each sentence is the ASL. I usually put the translations in red, but it doesn’t have that option here. What has dashes through it, I have to fingerspell. Oh, I’m so not ready, lol…

Time Place Object Subject Verb

Last summer, the World ECO Committee met off the coast of Australia on an island.

Past summer Australia island coast world E-C-O committee meet

We met because Australia had experienced a shocking wildfire.  The animals were struggling to survive.

Survive animals struggling why? Australia experienced a shocking massive fire

Together with the Australian people, we compared plans of action. Some of the ideas were pushed aside, and some rejected.

Australian people we together compared ideas pushed aside some rejected for-for plan of action.

We recommended an r-e-h-a-b-i-l-i-t-a-t-i-o-n plan for the country, and the government approved and will supervise it.

Country rehabilitation plan recommended government-approved they supervise it.

I hope I do good, but we’ll see how the test goes. I have to go home right after the test because the dogs are going to be in the kennels for 5 hours, and they need to be let out to potty and eat. I worry because Daisy has horrible separation anxiety. She drools profusely, which is a sign of it, and she gets distraught when we put her in the kennels for when we leave. I worry about them a lot, and tomorrow they’re going to be in the Kennels a lot because I have a deaf event to go to tomorrow along with today.

AHHHHHHHH I’M NOT READY FOR MY TEST! But I’ll do it. Happily I won’t freak out and not do it. I need to practice the opposite of emotion skills from DBT today. I don’t want to do it, but I need to make myself do it if that makes sense. I’m practicing my test, and I’m psyching myself out. I just got to calm down and be mindful of my thoughts.

I went to a deaf even last night and wrote a paper for my ASL class about it. I’m going to another event tonight. And one of my classmates is going to be there. I’m glad I won’t be alone. I don’t know who else is going to be there. I’m going to do a separate post on the paper I wrote. But in all, I had a perfect time. I just worried about not keeping up, about doing the wrong signs, and not putting things in proper ASL.

This has to be one of my longer posts lol. If you’ve gotten this far, let me know about in the comments with a smiley face.

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