Baking to pass the time

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Not having homework and whatnot, I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I should be doing something. I’m probably going to be cooking a lot because I don’t know what else to do with myself. I’m going to be starting school either on the 6th of April or the 13th. When I’m able to message my teachers, I’ll ask them what day we start. I need to go to the school for my books. Same with Brandon, we need to go to the school for his books. It’s going to be a pretty penny for them. I hope I have enough on my credit cards.

So I ordered Sei Bella Revital skincare through my brother’s business called Melaleuca. He signed me up as a customer, and I ordered that as my first order. I really wanted to try the skincare and how well it works. So, I’m going to try it for a month and do a side by the side of now when I first tried it to the 30-day mark. If I really like it, I’m going to order it again and keep using it. I want to try the cosmetics and hair care through them. That way, I can give a full review of their products. I’ve already tried their cleaning products and really like them. The toilet cleaner got a stain off the toilet that I’ve been trying to get since we moved in. The laundry detergent works really well and makes our clothes smell really lovely. What I really like about the products is they’re all-natural. So, there’s nothing harmful in the products and won’t cause irritation to your skin. The skincare doesn’t have a strong smell to them; it smells lightly of herbs. It’s not an obnoxious smell, it’s light and subtle. So far, my skin is really soft after using it. When I went with my brother, mom, and dad to learn more about his company, I won a cup that keeps your drink at the same temp no matter what. It works so good. I love having warm coffee for more than an hour. I don’t drink my coffee very fast so it staying warm is really lovely.

I’ll do a more in-depth review of the products once I try them more.

What to talk about?

I feel like I should be doing something! What to do?!

Oh, I didn’t realize the picture was a little blurry, but Angel is already half the size of the couch. I can only wonder how much she weighs now. The sofa is mom’s bed, and that’s why there are so many blankets and pillows on the couch. I need to get a good one of Dasiy too. Maybe take a picture of them standing on their hind legs to show how big they are now.

So now I making bread again this time, just two white loaves. I’ll do another later with flavorings and whatnot. I’ll post pictures once it’s done. It’s been so long since I just baked for the fun of it. I’m really like doing this. I’m going to make cookies and more bread. I’m planning on making some pies with a hot water crust. I’m trying recipes I wouldn’t usually work. I think it’s a good thing that I’m doing this. It’s helping me emotionally. Ooo, maybe I should make fresh pasta! Oh, and I’m planning on making soft breadsticks I might stuff them with cheese lol.

Here’s the picture of the bread I made. The food turned out really good. I put pretzel salt on the outside just because we had it lol. 

Well, I’ve baked bread, and I’m making cookies. I’m already made 4 dozen cookies. I make red velvet and white chocolate chip macadamia nut.

I’m planning on making chocolate chip, espresso chip, and salted caramel chip. So in all, I’m going to make about 10 dozen cookies. Then I’m going to make a pie than some more bread. I just haven’t figured out what to do with myself now that I’m not focusing on school. I’m probably going to be like this all spring break. Here are the recipes I followed for my cookies:

Cookie base

2 ¼ cups flour

½ tsp salt

¾ tsp baking powder

¾ cups (1 ½ sticks) butter

1 cups + 2 tbsp brown sugar

1 cups + 2 tbsp caster sugar

3 large eggs

1 tsp vanilla

2 bags of chocolate chips of choice

 

Cream butter and sugar together until well combined. Add one egg at a time, letting each addition incorporate evenly. Add salt vanilla and baking powder. Let it mix evenly. Add flour half a cup at a time so it can incorporate evenly. Then add chocolate chips of choice. Let rest for a couple hours in the fridge. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake until golden, usually about 12-15 minutes depending on oven. If your oven runs high in temp cook at 325 until golden.

Notes: If you want them chocolate as chocolate cookies, replace ¾ of flour with cocoa powder. I use this base for my cookies and add whatever chocolate chips I have at the time. I put espresso flavor and white chocolate chips for one, another I did salted caramel and milk chocolate, then I made a plain chocolate chip.

 

White chocolate macadamia nut cookies

½ cups of butter

4 ounces of cream cheese

1 cup caster sugar or sweetener of choice.

¼ tsp salt

1 egg

1 tsp almond extract

½ tsp baking powder

1 ¾ cups flour

2 cups macadamia nuts chopped toasted if you like

4 cups white chocolate chips

 

Cream together butter and cream cheese. Add sugar until incorporated. Add the egg, almond extract, salt, and baking powder. Once everything is well integrated, add the flour ½ cup at a time. Once combined, add chocolate chips and macadamia nuts. Fold in them in. Allow resting for 2 hours in the fridge. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 15 minutes.

Note: I think I want to try adding honey to this and see how it tastes. I think doing that instead of sugar would be really good.

 

White chocolate chip red velvet cookies

1 ¾ cups flour

3 tbsp cocoa powder

1 ½ tsp baking powder

½ cup butter

2 large eggs

¾ tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp coconut vinegar

1 tbsp red food coloring

4 cups White chocolate chips

 

Cream together sugar and butter together until light and fluffy. Add one egg at a time, then add vanilla, coconut vinegar, and food coloring allow to mix thoroughly. Add cocoa powder and allow that to mix carefully then add baking powder. After that’s mixed well, add the flour ½ cup at a time. Gently fold in white chocolate chips. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 12-15 minutes depending on if you want then soft or crunchy.

Note: I thought about making a cream cheese frosting to put on top of the cookies. I think that would make it really good.

I found this online and made it to my liking. There were some elements that I liked to change and make it somewhat my own. I would give credit I just can’t find them now I don’t know what I put in to search for them lol oops. If they look familiar, let me know so I can edit this post with credit to you.

I’m not sure what happened to the recipe for the bread, but if you look up basic yeast bread dough, it should come up, hopefully, lol.

So I organized my skincare a bit, but I want to get the stuff from the bathroom organized. Just to make sure it’s all in the same place, and I don’t have to hunt around for it.

So, yesterday mom and I went to the store and used our credit card to get food for the next couple weeks because the governor put in effect no leaving the house unless necessary for like doctor appointments, meds, and food. Otherwise, there’s no need to leave to go anywhere. We’re planning on just staying indoors and waiting until the order is lifted. Though, I’m going to go to project beauty share Monday. I should be free of this cough by then.

I ordered food for the animals and a toy for the dogs. They absolutely love it! It looks like a stick, and they keep playing with it. Hopefully, it lasts. It’s supposed to be for aggressive chewers. I just realized we’re low on training treats, so I just ordered more. My credit card is going to be so full after all this is done.

I have my therapy appointment today, we’re doing it over the phone again. We’ll be doing it over the phone for a while until this virus blows over.

I’ve made the cookies, and I still need to make the pies. I’m going to make an apple, a blueberry, and a lemon. I’m looking up on how to do a meringue, and I’m probably going to do a Swiss meringue because that actually heats up and cooks the egg whites. I’m going to have to toast the top of it using the oven. Then I’m going to try and learn to make cannoli shells, then I’ll worry about learning to make the fillings. Yes, I know I should be studying pastry lol. Cooking seems to be the only time I feel happy and content. But I don’t want to get into the business and lose that passion I have for it. I don’t know I’m trying to find a job at a bakery. I think that would give me the idea of if I want to pursue that career type. I’m going to finish getting my AA then go into the library Technician program. I really want to finish what I started then go into the pastry program.

Oh, man! I just looked at what books Brandon and I need for school. It’s going to cost a pretty penny. Hopefully, I get my financial aid or my check before then. Have to figure out how to pay for them.

I need to get my schedule back to normal. I shouldn’t be staying up past midnight and sleeping the day in. Tonight I’m going to take my meds at a decent time.

Yesterday mom fell down really hard, she’s hurting pretty bad now. She hit her whole left side on the ground really hard. I wish I could drive so I could take her to the doctors. I really need to get my license.

I’m trying to think of recipes that I can try and make. I want to do more loaves of bread, including a sweet bread. Possibly some cinnamon rolls. But we’ll see how much butter I have after making pies and what not lol. Though, I don’t have cream cheese now to make cream cheese frosting. Oh well, if we have to, we can go get it when we go to get meds.

So far, the skincare I’m trying out is good, it’s been leaving my skin really soft. I’ve been pretty good about washing my face day and night. Moms has been keeping up with cleaning her face day and night too. I organized my skincare and put away what I’m not using while I’m using the Sei Bella. It really gives more room in the bathroom on the shelves. I have so much skincare now, but I’m trying not to use anything other than the Sei Bella. I want to get a proper idea of how it works and if I entirely like it. If I really like it, I’ll get it again next month.

So I’ve been snooping around on the internet on how to make particular cakes. I’ve found one called European sponge cake (genoise). I’ve printed out the recipe, and I’m planning on trying it out. I’ve also looked into making a rough puff pastry and found a recipe that looks easy. I just have to plan that one in advance because I have to freeze the butter and have the flour in the freezer to keep really cold. I think it’ll be a fun thing to make. Maybe I should try making it with the girls sometime or the European sponge cake (genoise). I think they’d have a blast making those. I ordered the big book of the Great British Baking Show. I guess I’ll have a lot to practice once I get that book. I’d love to see if they have the recipes that people made on the show. I’d like to make some of them. Especially the bread filled with either savory or sweet fillings. 

Yesterday I just vegged out and watched the Great British Baking Show. I’m getting inspired to cook watching that show. It’s inspiring to see these home bakers bake on there and be passionate about it.

I think my passion for cooking is coming back, and I’m considering going into baking. I already know if I go into it, I’d start my own patisserie shop with sweets from around the world. I already know what I’d name the business to lol The Witches Candy House. There’s so much I want to learn to bake. I know I want sweets, but I also wish to make savory things as well. There’s so much I can make and learn.

If there’s anything else, you want me to talk about, let me know. I know I’m talking a great deal about food. I’m just getting my passion for it back, and I’m enjoying it. So, yeah, let me know your thoughts and what you like to read about.

People are ridiculous

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This quote is something I feel is worth sharing. I think people need to remind themselves to stay healthy and to remind themselves how far they’ve come. I know I’ve been in a dark place mentally in my past. I’ve struggled with that darkness for a long time, but now I’m mentally stable and in the right mental place. I’ve taken control of my life, and I’m not letting my mental illness control me. I take medications for it, and I go to therapy because of it. I’m not ashamed to admit that, and I don’t think anyone should be. It’s just a chemical imbalance in your brain, and you need to work to rewire your self, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

After you learn to help, yourself remember to be kind to yourself. Not to pass judgment onto yourself. Your fighting an invisible battles that no one knows about except your self. You’ve come a very long way, and you can keep fighting. I believe in you.

There’s been so much talk about this virus going around. People are acting like they’ve never come into contact with a virus before. I know people need to be cautious but not stockpiling supplies like its an apocalypse. All I can do is shake my head at the sheer panic of people what people are doing just because of a virus. We’re not starting school until the 13, and some schools are closing until late April. It surprises me that people are so chaotic about this. I know it’s something we don’t have a vaccine for, but that shouldn’t mean people need to lose their shit. I don’t know. Maybe I’m too emotionally neutral about the whole thing. Yes, it’s sad people are dying, and I don’t want that, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go buy out a whole store just because of it. Anyways, there’s my two cents on that.

So I made the cream puffs! Coffee and raspberry white chocolate flavors! I wanted to make more, but I made them quite big, so the filling didn’t go as far 😂. Everybody at the library loves them.

So far, the school opens, as usual, we won’t know until later today if the school shuts down. If that happens, then I won’t be able to do work-study. Don’t know what I’ll do for a check. It’s going to be tight with money until we know. People are losing their shit over this virus.

All my classes are online now due to the virus. The gym is closed. And I am waiting for them to shut down the bus station. So far, not shut down, but they’re not letting more than 50 be in the plaza. All the benches in there have yellow tape around them, so now sits.

Man, the area of the road so clear from cars people, are self quarantining themselves due to the virus.

So, it’s been a few days. I worked on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was going to work the full days trying to get my hours, but my supervisor told me what to do so I can get those hours and be paid for them. I was apprehensive about not getting my hours done and not getting a check by the end of the month. I don’t know how long this shut down of things is going to go for. Some people are speculating that easter is going to be canceled. It baffles me that people would shop like crazy, but they stocked up on toilet paper and hand sanitizer, not stuff like toiletries. Don’t they plan on showering if locked up? I don’t know I just think people are ridiculous.

Man, I’ve been out of my ADHD medications, and I can feel it. I just can’t seem to focus. It’s been taking me forever trying to work on stuff I got like a day or two left of my school work, and I haven’t worked on it. I’m trying to figure out how I used to go through the day without it.

So, I finally got my medication in me lol. I was able to eventually work on my paper and get it turned in. I struggled with focusing without it in my system.

This virus going around has made people run around like chicken with their heads cut off. People are buying things that make no sense. It’s like they forget that other items do take place in daily life. Oh well, I was able to order kitty litter, dog food, and wet cat food off of https://www.chewy.com/, and that helped so much, but we do have to battle the crowd to get some wet cat food before the order gets here. So, I was happy I was able to do that. I was able to order face wash, toner, and moisturizer through my brother’s business. Mom was able to order household cleaning products and hand soap through him too. If you want to know what that business is, just ask I’ll be happy to tell you what it is. They have household cleaning, body hygiene products, and work out stuff. You even get money back for ordering through them. I already have $60 to use on my next order, which I’m saving for next month’s order. If I like the face stuff, I’ll order it again next month. So far, it’s made my face super soft, and I only used it once lol. But we’ll see if I break out because I have susceptible skin and can break out over the smallest thing. I’m hoping I don’t break out.

There’s so much to talk about, but then again, not very much lol.

I have to make my therapy appointments over the phone for now. My therapist has a weak immune system so that the slightest illness can make her sick. I understand she wants to make her appointments from home. Though, it was weird doing it over the phone lol. Our house is so small I had to go outside to make my appointment, which is fine.

At least I’ve been able to buy fresh vegetables which is shocking no one had bought them up. Maybe their freezers are so full of the other ridiculous stuff they’ve bought.

I’m not sure what else I need to do for school. I feel like I forget to do something. Oh well, I guess I’ll remember it after it’s due. I feel like that’s the way it’s been all quarter. I know we’re starting next quarter late, and the first two weeks are going to be online. We have to turn things online for you to get financial aid.

I have to say this is a shorter post lol due to not having my meds in me made it, so I don’t have much to talk about lol.

I should try to make cream puffs again. I want to make a chocolate banana flavor with nuts.

Well, having my meds in me, I cleaned up a bit around the area I sit the most. I got that taken care of and need to clean up around my area in the bedroom. There’s just a lot of bags from getting my meds. They’re just piling up.

I’m trying to think of things to talk about on here. Give me some IDEAS!!!!!! Please! I’m at a loss of what to talk about on here. No one has been giving me ideas to talk about here, so either no one is reading my blog, and no one has something they want me to talk about.

So I’m making bread because I want to cook something and I’m not sure what so bread it is! I’ll post a picture of it after it’s done.

Here’s my bread. I cut half off of one and had everybody try it before I remembered to take a picture lol. I sent dad home with one. I’m going to make another bread tomorrow with garlic, onion, and maybe jalapenos. I haven’t fully decided on what I’m going to do for flavors.

I want to do more baking. I wish I had more recipes from 50 years ago or more. If anyone has an old recipe that I can practice and bake, I’m all ears lol.

I want to cook something I’m just not sure what, maybe I could bake more bread.

Cheesecake Cream puffs

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The choux pastry

1 cup milk

1/2 cup butter

1/8 tsp salt

1 cup flour

4 large room temperature eggs

Preheat the oven at the temperature 375 degrees

Put mild butter and salt in a pan heat until butter is melted. Then add the flour cooking for 2 minutes. Take off the heat and keep stirring or put in a mixer to cool down enough to add the eggs. Add one egg at a time mixing until incorporated before adding the next egg. Add eggs until a V forms when holding up the spoon/spatula. Pipe onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. After piping use, a finger dipped in water to flatten the little peaks on top of the pastry. This is so it won’t burn. Then sprinkle water onto the baking sheet to help steam the puffs, so they puff up.  Bake for 25 minutes oven closed 15 minutes oven off with the oven door open.

Cheesecake filling

8ozs room temperature cream cheese

6 tablespoons sugar

1 cup heavy whipping cream

1/2 tablespoon of flavoring unless using chocolate.

1/8 tsp salt

Beat the cream cheese until light and fluffy.

Scrape down bowl then add flavor and or chocolate. Melt the chocolate with a tablespoon of heavy whipping cream. Mix until smooth. Add into the cream cheese along with the cup of heavy whipping cream. Beat on high with mixer until soft peaks form. Split between 2 pastry bags fitted with a tip of your choice. Twist the end of the bag and tie off with rubber band.

Cut tops off of the choux puffs. Pipe in filling into the choux. After filling plight, the top back on. At this point, you can enjoy them like this or to spice it up, make a chocolate ganache and pour over top the puffs.

If you want fresh fruit in the puffs, I would put it on the filling instead of adding it to the filling unless they’re going to be served right away. The sugar will pull moister out of the

 

Finals soon!

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I’ve been doing what I can to do homework. Yesterday I didn’t get to do what I wanted. I overslept and didn’t make it to Project Beauty Share. I feel awful that I didn’t go. I guess that’s what I get for taking my medications late. I have to take them early tonight so I can wake up in the morning since it’s daylight savings, so we lose an hr of sleep. Monday, Brandon doesn’t have school because they did so good on their final; their teacher gave them the day off from school. Mom said she’d take me, so I don’t have to take the bus alone. This is my last week this quarter for ASL, which makes me sad. I really enjoy the class. I’m excited to go into ASL three. I’m not happy about math, but I’m going to get my work done. I’m currently working on my history class and waiting for a reply from my teacher about possibly interviewing someone from the Spokane Tribe. I want to give the most accurate information on my subtopic paper.

I heard from my professor, and she said that would be an excellent source for my paper. So I emailed someone from the Spokane Tribe asking if I can ask some questions. I just have to wait and hear from them. I’m really hoping they agree, but we’ll see. I’m crossing my fingers; they agree or put me in touch with someone who can help me.

So, I posted about my deaf events here. If you look at my older posts, you’ll see what I wrote about on deaf events. You’ll read my feelings and thoughts on the nights. I’m hoping to go to more deaf events. I want to make friends and learn more about the culture. A couple people asked if I’m going to pursue going into the interpreter field, and I said no, I just love the culture and want to be able to talk to everyone while as a librarian. Communication as a librarian is essential to helping those who need it. That’s why I want to learn Spanish, Japanese, and French. I want to communicate with everyone. I always want to learn more. Learning new things makes me happy, but I know learning other languages isn’t going to be easy, but I know I’ll enjoy it.

So, I cleaned the kitchen yesterday. I wanted to get the bathroom cleaned but didn’t get that far. I got my ASL homework done. I wrote the two papers on my deaf events, did my quizzes, pirated in the discussion. I got some history homework done. Contacted someone from the Spokane tribe to possibly talk to someone about the casino. Ask them questions and get some accurate information on the casino and tribe. I’d say yesterday was productive. I just wish I’d gotten more done.

I’m hoping to go to another deaf event again. I want to make friends as well as practice signing. I’ve been such a recluse throughout the years I want to get out there. Meet new people and make more friends. I wonder if Cindy would like to learn ASL too? So she can meet them also, though, I’m sure they’d be willing to write what they want to say or I could translate, so long as I’m good enough lol. I hope next quarter I can go to the ASL club. This quarter my schedule was just a shit show lol.

I’m going to attempt the choux pastry again today. I won’t make it right before bringing it to work and see doing some with Brandon for his class. I want to make good ones probably with beef and cheese, maybe one with salmon and cream cheese thyme and sage. Hmmm, wonder what flavors I could do?

Well, it looks like I have a job interview at the donut parade today. I look like crap, but I’m going since this is how I look most days. But I’m excited I guess we’ll see if I get the job granted for 2 days I’ll have to wake up super early and be there by 2:20am, but that’s okay. I can do it! But we’ll see if I get the job.

So today, I got up at 4, got to school at 7, worked at the library then went to class. I got the call for the job interview during math. I was so eager to call them back. I just went out into the hall and called. I’m now on my way to project beauty share. Then going to the interview then home.

The interview went okay, I think. He said he’ll let me know in 48 hrs whether or not I got it. He said it’s not a job he expects anyone to stay at. He just wants to be a useful reference. I don’t know how I feel about that. But if I get the job, it’ll be something until I can find something for the long term. I was hoping this could be a place I could be at while in school. But I guess we’ll see what happens.

I had more written on here, and I forgot to save it 😖. Oh well, I’ll try and remember for next time not to do that.

I haven’t heard back about the job yet I guess he might be still thinking about it. Even if I don’t get it, I’m thankful he took time out of his day to interview me. If I don’t hear back today, I guess it’s back to the grind of putting in applications.

This is my last week of ASL!😭 I can’t wait to be in ASL 3. And I’m going to continue to practice and going to deaf events so I can get better. I know I keep repeating myself that I want to communicate with everyone, but it’s how I feel. 😊

I gotta work on my slides for history. It’s going to be a new paper talking about the Spokane tribe casino. I got so into finding research and doing the writing I forgot about the group presentation 😂 oops!

I got there first two books of lord of the rings on audible I’m planning on at least reading one this spring break for the fun of it. I want to read something for the fun of it and not because someone told me to. I mean, I enjoyed the books I read in English, but I want to have the leisure of doing it without having to worry about a paper to write 😂. I’ll get the third book when I get my credit on audible.

I have my appointment with the therapist today. Gotta take a bus to and from there. Mom had an MRI yesterday and couldn’t drive, so they made her take a cab, and they paid for it lol. She was out of it when she came home. She doesn’t even remember eating 2 brownies lol she passed out right after.

Yesterday, it was a long day. I got up at 4 left the house at 5:30am didn’t get home until 6:00pm. Needless to say, I was exhausted. I got on and off the bus, 8 times went to school, therapy, their bank, the pay office, and the store before finally making it home. I woke up today and forgot to take my meds. Thankfully mom said she’d bring them to me before getting the girls.

Oh, I haven’t written on here for a couple days. Wednesday was a very long day, and I passed out not long after getting home. I can see that it is going to be happening a lot, especially if I get the job at the donut place. I’d have to wake up at 1 just to get to work at 2:30am. I’m excited at the possibility of decorating donuts, but if I don’t get it, I’ll look into putting in applications to bakeries. I’m excited at the thought of learning new things. I enjoy learning and want to make sure I never stop learning new things, especially for cooking. Cooking has always been a love of mine, so doing it as a passion is exciting to me. I know everyone says I should just go into the culinary program, but I don’t want to be a regular chef. I’d rather be a pastry chef.

So, what have I been doing the past couple of days? Wednesday, I got up at 4:30am got on the bus at 6am then headed to school. Worked then went to class, and after classes ended, I got on the bus to downtown. I got on another bus to head to the Valley. I went to a Starbucks to kill time until my therapy appointment. I walked to the meeting then got on another bus until it got to Sprague and got off to get onto another bus. Stopped right where the bank was to pull money to pay rent and to pay on my credit card. I got on the bus again and went to the post office then went back onto the bus to downtown. I got on another bus to go to Safeway to buy something for dinner. Then mom picked me up from there since she had to pick up her meds anyways. When I got home at 6pm I was exhausted I had my dinner took my pills and passed out. I couldn’t focus enough to do homework that was due that night. I know it’s going to be worse with exhaustion when I start another job. I know there’s going to be a lot of coffee in my future lol.

Yesterday I did my test in ASL, and I really liked that type of test she did. It was a preview of what the tests are going to be like when I go into ASL 3. I only missed a couple things on my test only because I forgot the details of it, and I even wrote it down in my notes lol. I’m not ready for my ASL test today, but I’m going to do it. I’m worried I’m not going to place everything like I’m supposed to. I don’t want to muddle it all together.

I also saw Cindy and her son yesterday. It was so lovely to visit with her and hold Richard finally lol. I didn’t get to hold him last time I saw him because I was sick and didn’t want to risk him getting sick because he’s so young. I can’t believe he’s 3 months. He’s so cute!

I got so caught up in doing research and writing my paper for history. I forgot to do the group slides for the presentation. I told the teacher I didn’t do it, and she said I need to make sure I do the rest to pass, which I will do tonight. I feel like I let my group members down with not doing my part. I’m going to turn in my paper and do the power reviews. I have to highlight what I change, which is fine.

I’m sitting in math doing nothing because doing my work on my phone gives me a headache, and I’m done with the book work. I pretty sure I’m not going to pass this class but I’m going to do the work asked of me. I’ll admit I’m far behind on the online work, and I can get it done over the weekend.

Oh, yesterday was busy, but it wasn’t if that makes sense. I went to school, got my expressive test done. I didn’t do as well as I had hoped. Oh! I forgot to add what the paragraph was here…

Expressive Paragraph 3/13/2020

Yesterday morning on the farm, my alarm went off at 5:45. I woke up, got dressed, put on perfume/aftershave, grabbed my hat and beer, and headed to the field.  I saw something shiny.  I went to investigate and found a credit card.  I called the police, and a macho old-fashioned cop came.  He said it belonged to the new music teacher on the next farm.  That night she bought me dinner, and we toasted to her good luck! 

It was a doozy of a paragraph, but Kellie-Marie liked that I added the cop asking why they were drinking at 5:45am LOL. I couldn’t help myself; I had to add it. Wednesday, I made Kellie-Marie laugh because we were playing story cubes in class, and I made it in my story the person fell and found a cookie under something and blew it off then ate it. I have so much fun in ASL. I really enjoy learning it. Though she said I usually do really well-putting things into ASL format but during my test, I kept going back into English as I signed. I knew I shouldn’t have practiced it in English then try to do it in ASL. Oh well, there’s always next quarter.

Speaking of Next quarter, this virus that’s going around is making people go crazy. We’re not starting our quarter on the 6th like we were supposed to. We have to start on the 13th. I asked my teacher if we’re going to start class online on the 6th or just start everything on the 13th. I really hope it’s the 6th, but we’ll see.

Otherwise, I worked on homework last night. Richard(my brother) came over with the girls. We had pizza and visited. Which was nice, Lilly worked on her homework because she’s behind. Mom’s computer died, and we didn’t realize it wasn’t plugged in lol. We thought it was, but when mom went to plug something else in, she saw it wasn’t actually plugged in. But Lillian got a lot done.

I’m going to go get stuff to make more choux pastry. I want to make a white chocolate raspberry cream puff. It sounds so good. I’m waiting to fill them up until the night before, so they don’t go soggy before I take them to school. I’ve decided I’m going to fill them with cheesecake and not custard. I’ve been having so much trouble making it I’m going to wait until next quarter when I get my mom and have the money to buy eggs. It takes a lot of eggs and butter to make the choux and the custard. I’m also going to post pictures of my choux after they’re filled and ready to go. I think I might get gluten-free flour next month and make some gluten-free. I want to take a couple to my therapist. I think I should try making macarons too.

I slacked on writing on here, and that bugs me. I want to try and post on here as much as I can before I post it. I know this post is long, but I still didn’t write on here every day, and I like to do it after I wake up. I know a couple of those days I was just so tired I couldn’t think of what I write. Let me know your thoughts on future posts.

Gratitude Post

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Haha, I seem to forget to do my gratitude entries on the daily lol. I’ll try and do better (0.o) I guess I’ve just been consumed with finals and what I need to do to get everything done I forgot. I’ve been trying to do my regular post and almost forget about that daily lol.

What I grateful for is…

Being in school

My best friend’s kindness and understanding.

Being a godmother

My choux pastry coming out perfectly! now to make the custard… (>.<)

My brothers

For job interviews, just to get that experience is priceless.

Working at the library

Learning every day in and outside of school.

Snow and yes I do miss it

Kindness from others

Deaf Event

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I went to the deaf event at No-Li Brewhouse on 3/7/2020. I was nervous about, going but my nerves calmed down when I got there. I tried signing more this time than when I was at Starbucks. There were a lot of interpreters there. Those who were are deaf went to another area of the restaurant. I ended up around the interpreters. I talked to them and tried to sign while I was speaking. They all were signing as they spoke. They asked me why I wanted to learn ASL. I told them because I enjoy learning it, and I want to be able to talk to everyone.

I may not be going into the interpreting program; I still want to learn the language and talk to those around me who use it. We talked about our animals and schooling. Some people were talking about their kids. I was sat in an awkward area, so it made it hard to watch those around me sign. But I kept looking around. The symptoms I recognized were school, learn, kids, become, drink, food, and cute. I wasn’t able to stay the whole night like I wanted because my brother called and asked if we could go to his house and feed my nieces rats because he’s in Seattle, and the girls are with their mother. My mom did come with me to the event. She really enjoyed herself. Everyone was trying to help her learn signs. She’s struggling to remember, but she’s been trying to learn when I practice my vocab. Everyone there was super friendly and helpful with trying to learn signs. I think another reason I was able to try signing more is that I did get an alcoholic drink, so my nerves were calmed quite a bit. I wanted to communicate with those around me.

I signed what I did know, and fingerspelled what I didn’t know. The more I relaxed, the better I was able to read the signs. I think I really overthink the signs and psych myself out while trying to read them. I really wish I had more to say about this deaf event, but I don’t. I did thoroughly enjoyed myself. I tried talking with signs, but I don’t think I did it enough. Everyone was super friendly and helpful. I want to go to another deaf event where the hearing is invited as well. I want to learn the language and become friends and advocate for those who are deaf. Even though I’m not going into the interpreter program, I still want to be there for the deaf. I want to be someone they can talk to without worry of judgment and that I’m a friend.

Deaf Event

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I went to the Starbucks on Friday 3/6/2020 from 5 pm – 7 pm. I got there early because I was nervous and wanted to make sure I got the address correct. Everyone working there knew all the deaf people who come in. They do this deaf night on the first Friday of every month. I was so nervous because I don’t feel entirely comfortable signing to other people. I was so worried about doing the wrong sign and not properly putting it into ASL format. I was the only new face there. Everyone was super helpful and very understanding. I wrote down and showed them that I’m studying ASL at the college with Kellie-Marie. They got very excited that I was learning it, and I wanted to know more. I feel if I can attend these deaf events, meet people, and make friends, I can learn better at doing ASL and it’s format. There were a couple of people who are hearing there whose relatives are deaf, and one is also learning to be an interpreter. The other is an interpreter. She was delighted that I was there and that I wanted to be more a part of deaf culture. She said, “not enough people spend enough time around the deaf, so they don’t end up learning ASL to it’s fullest.” I have to agree with her on that. I think that’s what’s been my problem, and I haven’t emerged myself into the deaf culture to thoroughly learn it. I’ve only been learning the surface of it without taking the initiative to learn more. I find the culture and language to be beautiful, and I want to be able to talk to everyone hearing and not. I’m learning to be a library Technician, and I want to be that person who makes everyone feel included.

While there, I saw several signs I recognized. I found it interesting that when at school, I struggle with reading fingerspelling, but while I was there, I was able to pick up on it. I think in class, I’m overthinking it, and while I was at Starbucks, I just let it be and tried to relax. I found most conversations were about politics. I honestly don’t know much about politics since I don’t follow them. I should follow them a little so that I can have something more to talk about. The translator said everyone’s been anxious about coronavirus going around.

Along with the inclusion of the deaf in every society. There were two people there that work at the Spokane valley office that are advocates for the deaf. She said that their main office is in Vancouver, WA and that they have an office in the Valley over here. Everyone showed me their name sign, which I thought was terrific. They showed me the sign for coffee since we were at a coffee shop. I recognized the sign for live/life and the sign for death, paper, pen, food, drink milk, change, transition, and a few other signs I can’t think of. One person asked me if my eyes were getting tired of all the watching. I said I’m usually a very quiet person who watches what is going on around them. So, my eyes weren’t too bad. But I was touched at his and everyone’s kindness. They were so welcoming and kept telling me not to be nervous. I think another reason I was nervous is that I don’t know how to bring up conversations and keep them going. I’m not good at small talk, and I, in general, struggle with communicating. I’m going to keep going to the deaf events that are open for the hearing. I want to make friends and meet new people.

Gratitude Post

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So, I forgot to write my gratitude for the week in my last post. I only did it one day, so I’m going to just do separate posts for my gratitude.

What am I grateful for?

The deaf event last night

Meeting new people

Blankets because I like to snuggle up lol

Audiobooks

Understanding teachers

Learning new things

When I’m happy because it’s not so often I feel that.

Kind people

Curry and rice lol

Having friends

Hello March

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It’s now March, and I only have a couple weeks left of this quarter. This quarter has been interesting. I’m happy with what I’ve done so far in this quarter. Though, I do feel I could’ve done better. Having a severe depressive episode during this quarter did not help me. It made me struggle with my work and made me late with some work. I’ve been trying to do what I need to, but sometimes I find myself just sitting here doing nothing. I know that’s from my depression. I hope I don’t have this happen next quarter.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to retake math 87. I don’t mind so long as I get a teacher that helps me with actually learning the material. I mean, even if I do pass this class, I’d want to retake it so that I know that I’m able to do the material. I’ll need to know how to do the work with Math 88.

It’s Monday and a new day! I did my makeup and got all pretty because I felt like it. I bought a new outfit on Saturday and wanted to wear it, so I did. I’m now at school, and here’s a picture of my makeup. It’s nothing fancy, just something simple.

Though, I could’ve done better on my eyebrows. They’re a little light looking. Maybe I should use a tinted brow gel; I have some perhaps I should try it tomorrow. It’s going to surprise everyone at Project Beauty Share, seeing me all dressed up. I don’t usually get like this. I want to try and dress up most days. I think it’ll help my depression to subside somewhat. I know it’s not a for sure thing that it’ll recede, but it’s worth a try.

I’m going to try and make eclairs today. I need to make the custard cream then make the choux pastry. Though, I forgot to grab heavy cream for the chocolate sauce that goes on it. I want to make it and bring it to work. I think that’ll be something nice to do. I’m thinking of making the custard orange flavor or banana flavor. I’m thinking of making both and seeing which one I like more or if I’m going to do both lol. Brandon says I should do banana flavor. I’ll ask mom and see what she thinks I should do. I’ll try to post a picture on here of them after I make them. I think it’ll be fun to make and I’m considering doing the pastry program here at the school. That’ll be so much fun. I don’t know I’m delighted when I cook and when I do makeup.

I know my homework has been taking a hit with my depression hitting like this. I’m going to do my best to do my group project in history since the grade isn’t just for me but for all of us. I don’t want them to suffer a grade because I’m having issues. So, I’m doing what I can to do my research on my project and figuring out what I need to write a 5-7 page essay and also do a slide show. I need to figure out what put on there and how to do it. I like this class I wish I weren’t mentally like this right now. I’m trying to do what I need to for PE as well. Having a bronchial infection really made it hard to work out. I still have to use the inhaler the doctor gave me for it. I can feel mucus in my chest. I just can’t seem to cough it up. I think I’m going to have to get some medicine that’ll help me hack it up. My counselor wants me to figure out if I want to do a complete refresher course on DBT or just review it here and there. I’m thinking of the entire refresher course. I feel I might do better being taught the materials all over again.

This week should be interesting since we’ll be making up the paragraph for ASL as our expressive test. I can’t believe there’s only this week and next week left of the quarter. We have the word ghost/spirit to sign, so this should be interesting. There’s also the word pregnancy lol what a word combo. We’ll see who I get in a group and see what we all come up with.

Saturday night, mom lost feeling in her leg and didn’t realize it until she stood up. She fell really hard on the floor. I ran out of my room because I was in bed. I thought the dogs knocked something big down. I was really shocked to see mom and was moaning in pain. I helped her get up on to the couch. I stayed up with her until she could stand on her own. It wasn’t until the next day that she realized she forgot to take her pills, and that’s why she lost feeling and couldn’t sleep that night.

I have to say I feel very out of place in ASL. Everyone has a friend in that class, I feel like no one wants to talk to me. I try to speak,k but they instantly turn to someone else.

It’s Tuesday, and I did my makeup again lol.

I just did something simple since I woke up late. But I’m surprised I can do my makeup better when I don’t have my contacts in, and I can’t really see. Maybe because I’m so used to doing my makeup that way, I’m just not used to doing it while being able to see lol.

So, yesterday I didn’t get a whole lot done, but at the same time, I did. I got up at 4, did my makeup, and got dressed. I got on the bus came to school half asleep. Went to work from 7:15 to 9:15 was trying to reorganize the DVD’s in the library because they’re messed up. I’m going to work on it again today. I took a bus to Project Beauty Share, and they didn’t have much mail, so I didn’t stay as long as I usually do, which is okay with me. Julie there gave me a nice big-thick stainless steel pot and some mason jars. I carried that and my book bags home. I met up with Brandon at the plaza and went back. Then, mom took me to the bank and the post office. I had to stop and get my meds from Safeway, and that took forever. I stopped at the subway for my lunch/dinner. I got home and ate, then worked on homework. I was so exhausted. I fell asleep at 7. I didn’t get to make the eclairs like I wanted to. So yesterday I did a lot, but I didn’t get to do what I wanted. Hopefully, today I can. We’re just taking the stuff in the car to storage then taking the dogs to the groomers. Hopefully, I can get a picture of them before they get messy again lol.

I’m hoping I can keep up with doing my makeup daily. I also need to heat water at night and in the morning to wash my face each time. Getting in the routine of things still, and by the time I get in the routine, it’ll be spring break than a new schedule for school lol. Then I’ll have to get used to a new schedule.

Oh! I forgot one of the dogs lost a tooth! We found it on the floor and couldn’t figure out why Angel was bleeding from her mouth. We found the baby tooth and figured it out. I can’t tell you how happy I was to see that🙃. I’ll take a picture of it when I get home and post it here.

I’m looking into doing the pastry program after I get my degree in library technician. I know I got a few years to go first, but I want to look into it and practice as much as possible. That’s why I want to make eclairs so I can practice making a choux pastry and a Creme Patissiere. I think they’ll be fun to make and delicious to make. I want to flavor the Creme Patissiere with banana or orange. Brandon says I should do banana lol. Banana would work with the chocolate ganache on top. I wonder what else I should try making.

Brandon and I need to get our taxes done. I should call and make an appointment to do that. When we get our taxes depending on how much we get, I’m going to fill in my tattoo and do drivers ed because they said you could pay half at the start and the rest at the end. It’s something I really need to do and get done. It would also open up doors for employment.

I wonder what the ASL paragraph will be. I’m also wondering what group I’m going to be in. I wish everyone could do their paragraph. That way, there’s something different for her to see signed.

Well, we weren’t put into groups. The whole class has the same paragraph to do. This is the paragraph…

Last summer, the World ECO Committee met off the coast of Australia on an island.  We met because Australia had experienced a shocking wildfire.  The animals were struggling to survive.  Together with the Australian people, we compared plans of action.  Some of the ideas were pushed aside, and some rejected.  We recommended a rehabilitation plan for the country, and the government approved and will supervise it.

Here’s the picture of the pups after their grooming. And I need a hairspray with those wild stray hairs.

It’s a new day, and I’m tired. I did not want to wake up this morning. I didn’t get a chance to do my makeup because I woke up so late. I was out of it, and I still feel out of it. I’m trying to keep my mind thinking so I don’t fall asleep. I really need coffee☕.

I found a couple of necklaces, a ring, and a bracelet yesterday. The bracelet ring and one of the accessories have bees on them. Another necklace is of a kitty, then there’s a dragonfly, and the last one is a cross with opals on it. I found them all at TJMax. Mom found some for herself too. I’ll post a picture of all of them when I get home. I just don’t feel like taking photos of the ring bracelet and necklace at the moment. Plus, I also look like shit. I look like I just rolled out of bed.

Yesterday was a busy day. I went to work than school. I went and paid the storage unit and then had to take the dogs to the groomers. After we dropped them off, we went and picked up Brandon. I went back up to the Y and looked around at TJMax then waited at Petsmart for the dogs to be done at the groomers. The groomers that they usually get done by were shocked at how big they’ve gotten. They were like, “I used to be able to carry them with one arm!” They’ve grown so much in 4 weeks since they were there last. After getting home, I had to do homework, and it was late as it was I had to take my meds so I could wake up today. I can’t seem to catch a moment to myself, so I can make the eclairs.

Why is it I can think of a whole bunch to type up on here in the mornings. Maybe it’s because I’m trying to keep my mind working so I don’t fall asleep. I usually sit in the Cafe and sit on my laptop typing on here while I wait for the doors to open at work.

I know today is going to be another long day. I need to do my homework, but I also have to go to my counseling appointment. I’m going to lunch with my brother nieces and mom after school. I have to take a bus home after my meeting today since mom won’t be able to pick me up. I think mom starts watching the girls today. It’s either today or tomorrow. Richard has to go to Seattle for a doctor’s appointment for his shoulder. He had surgery not too long ago on it; I think it was last month that he had the surgery; it was either the beginning of last month or the end of January.

I just realized there’s some homework I forgot to do in history. My depression hitting is taking its toll homework wise. I think I need to make a to-do list so I can remember. There’s math I need to do and history and PE and try and make time to practice my ASL 😖. So much to do so little time due to having to take meds at a reasonable time so I can wake up. I wonder if I could talk to my medications doctor about lowering something. I have to take my meds at seven just so I can sleep by eight and wake up at 4, but today I woke up at 5 because Brandon had a hard time waking me up. I need to pay bills, and I have to remember to report my earnings from work. I hope I get the job at Torrid. I know I already did feel I have enough time in a day, but I need the job. I think I am going to talk to my medications doctor about mutt meds so I can wake up better in the morning. I need to make an appointment for taxes for medications, and I already have weekly meetings for my counseling. Ugh, I feel so frustrated with everything I need to do and need to try and do!

I have to say my mood has improved a lot since I’ve been writing. I think I should do gratitude posts to. I think that’ll help with my feelings. Hmmm, so what am I grateful for?

I’m grateful for…

My dogs 🐶, my cats 🐱, having a roof over my head 🏡, showers💧, being in school🏫, working as a work-study🧐, my friends🤡, coffee☕, my counselor👌, learning DBT👏, and having understanding people in my life🧠.

I think I’ll try to post more gratitude posts just let me know if I should keep them in my long posts or if they should be posted on there own.

Oh, I’m thinking of making a savory cream puff. I just need to figure out what flavor I should do it. Something that won’t spoil right away. Maybe a cheesesteak kind? I was also thinking of making savory crepes. I want to try and make different things; I just don’t feel I have the time. I know I’m bitching about time again. I’m sorry. I should just try and make time.

It’s been a couple weeks since I did a really long post. I guess I have more to talk about when I’m not sick lol. And no one tells me what to talk about on here. So, I just write about random thoughts lol. Should I do short reviews of stuff and places, or should I talk about more serious issues or leave it like it is? I’m thinking of posting the discussions that I’ve been doing for ASL on YouTube. Let me know if you’d be interested in watching them. I can think of translations on it, so you see what I’m signing. I was also thinking of compiling them into one long video and then posting it on there. I don’t know. If you read this far, let me know what you want or think about that. I need to do a deaf event or an interview with a deaf person. I just don’t know who or where to go.

Today isn’t even over, and I’m already exhausted. My teacher emailed mew another my assignment that was due last night, and I need to turn it in. So I’m going to work on that after I take the bus to frontier then go to Costco then home.

I got home last night after all that and was so hungry I stopped at McDonald’s for dinner. The dogs were happy I got them their fry lol. Angel wanted them so bad she was drooling a puddle. Daisy didn’t drool as much as Angel. Angel also kept chattering her teeth, wanting to eat her treats when we told her to wait. We’re trying to teach her not to take something until we tell her it’s okay.

I’m so tired. I hate having to wake up at 4 am to come to school. I struggle to wake up in the mornings. Brandon is good about getting me awake, but there are days when I just don’t acknowledge him, and I don’t wake up until 5. But still, that’s the crack ass of dawn, and it’s way too early.

So, my counselor suggested I call the VA and see if they have someone who is deaf that I can talk to and interview. She also told me to use Opposite to emotion on my DBT skills, which I did. I didn’t want to do my homework, but I did it anyway. I ran out of time to make the eclairs. I will make them this weekend! I want to make them so bad, and I want to try and make some savory ones like smoked salmon and rosemary. I wonder if I could cook them with cheese on the tops of them. The only way I’ll know is if I try to do it and make it. I just got to figure out different fillings I can do to put inside of them. If your reading this I’m open to ideas let me know lol. Oh, and she said I should maybe do separate posts about what I cook and bake since I enjoy it so much. She said I look thrilled when I talk about cooking, and she understands my wanting to complete the library technician program before I get into the pastry program. It wants to have that sense of accomplishment.

So, I found out there’s going to be a deaf event this weekend at a restaurant I’m going to try and make it so I can meet some people. I really want to make some friends, especially people I can learn from. I want to get better at ASL, and I want to be able to communicate with the deaf on a personal level. I don’t want them to feel out of place or left out when they’re around me. I think the only way I’ll learn is to repeat the signs and try to immerse myself in that culture.

At my counseling appointment, we talked a lot about food. She said I don’t need to go to school to be successful. I just need to practice and keep learning. She said that she’s always loved psychology and learned a great deal on her own before going to get her bachelor’s degree in it. She said she believes I can accomplish learning what I want without going to school. I’ve been trying to learn about that for so long because I love cooking and baking. I need to get back into working on my cookbook. I want to practice the old recipes from 50 – 100 years ago and revamp them, so they work with today’s ingredients. So, this spring break, I’m going to try and cook, bake, and work on the cookbook. I might try and find old recipes on eBay lol.

I’ve been looking into savory choux, and some people put cheese in the choux mix then baked it. That could work. Though, I’m still trying to figure out a filling.

I just got done with my appointment with my school counselor. We’ve figured out if I’m on track with my academic plan, and she was happy about the classes I signed up for in the spring. I feel very relieved that I’m on the right track and that I signed up for the classes I need. We figured it out so I can take courses in the summer and what I need to do from here on out, along with when I should talk to a counselor at Spokane Falls Community College. I should be on track to graduate from SCC in the spring of next year.

OMG, I’m not ready for my ASL test today lol. I’m practicing right now, but I should’ve been looking at it all week. Hearing it in English, then translating it into ASL, is hard when you can’t look at what you wrote down as a translation. This is what it looks like translated… the second line after each sentence is the ASL. I usually put the translations in red, but it doesn’t have that option here. What has dashes through it, I have to fingerspell. Oh, I’m so not ready, lol…

Time Place Object Subject Verb

Last summer, the World ECO Committee met off the coast of Australia on an island.

Past summer Australia island coast world E-C-O committee meet

We met because Australia had experienced a shocking wildfire.  The animals were struggling to survive.

Survive animals struggling why? Australia experienced a shocking massive fire

Together with the Australian people, we compared plans of action. Some of the ideas were pushed aside, and some rejected.

Australian people we together compared ideas pushed aside some rejected for-for plan of action.

We recommended an r-e-h-a-b-i-l-i-t-a-t-i-o-n plan for the country, and the government approved and will supervise it.

Country rehabilitation plan recommended government-approved they supervise it.

I hope I do good, but we’ll see how the test goes. I have to go home right after the test because the dogs are going to be in the kennels for 5 hours, and they need to be let out to potty and eat. I worry because Daisy has horrible separation anxiety. She drools profusely, which is a sign of it, and she gets distraught when we put her in the kennels for when we leave. I worry about them a lot, and tomorrow they’re going to be in the Kennels a lot because I have a deaf event to go to tomorrow along with today.

AHHHHHHHH I’M NOT READY FOR MY TEST! But I’ll do it. Happily I won’t freak out and not do it. I need to practice the opposite of emotion skills from DBT today. I don’t want to do it, but I need to make myself do it if that makes sense. I’m practicing my test, and I’m psyching myself out. I just got to calm down and be mindful of my thoughts.

I went to a deaf even last night and wrote a paper for my ASL class about it. I’m going to another event tonight. And one of my classmates is going to be there. I’m glad I won’t be alone. I don’t know who else is going to be there. I’m going to do a separate post on the paper I wrote. But in all, I had a perfect time. I just worried about not keeping up, about doing the wrong signs, and not putting things in proper ASL.

This has to be one of my longer posts lol. If you’ve gotten this far, let me know about in the comments with a smiley face.