I struggle but i get back up to face the day

I didn’t do a whole lot over the weekend, I didn’t even do homework really. I know that’s on me. I shouldn’t watch TV, but I got hooked to the Great British Baking Show. I’ve watched 2 full seasons so far and now on season 3. I like it because the contestants aren’t out to get each other it’s not all drama. I don’t like watching a lot of TV because of all the drama. There comes the point when it’s ridiculous, and there’s absolutely no point to it. It really shows how greedy people are.

Well, I apologized to my teacher again about my panic attack. She’s letting me make up the test in her office. I not ready for it, but we’ll see how well I do. I’ve practiced the paragraph, but I think I’m overthinking it. When I do that, I add too much, and it can be more simple than I think. I really feel if I had someone to practice with that knows it would help. I just don’t know anyone who I can practice with.

I have my group interview at Torrid today. I really hope I get it. If I don’t, I’m gonna have to grind some more on finding a job.

So, how am I doing emotionally?

This quote really resonates with how I’ve been feeling lately. I’m pretending I’m not emotionally battling my mind every day. This mental battle has been hard, and I know it’s something I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I can’t wait to talk to my new counselor. I just feel really disconnected from people, and it’s bothering me. I know I’m stress eating because of school. She had me take note whenever I started eating junk and being mindful of what I’m thinking about and doing. So school is my stressor. I used to not eat when I was stressed now I can’t seem to stop. Struggling with my mental health is taking a toll on my homework.

We’re signing paragraphs in ASL. This week the class wrote out the paragraph that we have to sign. This is the paragraph…

Class paragraph 2/24/20

Bowling wars were on June 15th, 2019, at Cat Alley. The war was between SCC and them SFCC. Each team had 6 players. We had to commute via bus over a bridge. While on the bridge, the motor blows up, and we were late. An SFCC player took one of our balls. They denied it. A fight breakout, we were separated. Finally, we bowled with various balls, weighing an average of 6-15 lb. We won, but they disagreed. A special article that came out in the newspaper documented our 37-pt. Victory.

This paragraph is funny and going to be interesting to sign in my expressive test.

Last week our paragraph was…

I was born in Hawaii in 1992. I got my Driver’s License at 16. I graduated from high school on Saturday, June 10, 2010. I wanted to become a cop, so I moved to Alaska for college Summer 2011. After, I traveled to Scotland, France, and England. In Juno, I saw my first Moose and my first Alaskan sunset. I met my spouse and fell in love in the Fall of 2012. After I graduated on June 12, 2013, we moved to Texas. I got a job and then was fired. I found a better job and was satisfied.

I got 90/100 on this expressive test. I’m glad my teacher let me make up my test. I told her about my past and my mental health she agreed I need to get those supports back and she thinks I need to go back into DBT. I’ve been thinking about it, but I might just do what I can with my new counselor and see if we can do what we need to without me going back through the process of getting back into Frontier Behavioral Health. It’s a long process, and I’d have to take a day off from school just to do it.

I’d like to do videos of me signing so I can practice here, but I need to upgrade my WordPress account before I can load up videos. I might upgrade next month since its only $96 for the year. I should have the money next month from my work-study. We’ll see if I get the job at torrid. They said they’ll let us know in a week if we got the job or not. I want to practice my ASL more; I just don’t have anyone to practice with. I know I’d pick it up so much better I’d I had someone to talk to with it. It doesn’t help that when I’m talking to someone in ASL, my mind just goes blank, and I’m a deer in headlights. That’s why I need to practice with someone, especially with the new vocabulary. Maybe I should go to a deaf event and try to talk to someone.

So,  yesterday went well. I talked to my counselor, and we’re trying to figure out a plan of action for my private DBT lessons. She wants me to decide if I want to just be reminded of the skills or if I want a complete refresher. I’m kinda leaning on a comprehensive refresher. I’m thinking of also making the diary card application and keep track of what I’m practicing. I think that’ll be an excellent idea.

Mom put in to look at a house in Airway Heights. It looks nice, but we’ll see if we can get a showing and look at it with Richard. Since we’re going to be moving in with him and the girls. I’m honestly excited to be moving in with them. I really enjoy seeing them. Moving in together will also help my brother with taking care of the girls so he can get to work and not worry about not working. He has so much to worry about I want to help him and be a support for him. I’m thinking of practicing ASL with the girls. I know they’d enjoy it so much.

I finally am getting my voice back from losing it while being sick. I lost my voice after I was done being sick. So irritating. It’s not entirely back, but I’m able to actually talk without losing my voice mid-sentence.

Since I’ve been struggling with my mental health, I asked my professor for an extension on my homework that’s due. She was kind enough to do it for me. I only asked for a day, and she gave me a few days. I don’t know, we’ll see how long it takes for me to feel better. If I just have to wait the 6 weeks for the meds to get in and my system or if I have to see my medications doctor.

I really hope I get the job at torrid. I know I’ll be stretched thin with everything, but I know it’ll be worth it. But I need to get back into watching fashion trends. I used to watch them, and I knew I couldn’t pull them off, but I liked keeping up with it. But I also used to watch a lot of make and fashion YouTube channels.

I’m getting back into doing my homework, but I’m still struggling to do what I need to.

Well, I got a 94/100 on my ASL test. I have to remember my hand shape. I keep doing the way for possession and not for identity lol. Kellie-Marie told me I need to practice and try and remember not to do that hand shape. Or I should go see Tiffany and have her tell me every time I’m doing it and telling me to change it. I had a test in math yesterday, and I don’t know how I did. I’m pretty sure I did terrible. I won’t know until Monday how I did.

Brandon and I watched the show the Final Table on Netflix. It was terrific, I really liked seeing all those top chefs being on there competing. Then seeing the Very top chefs that are in the top 50 of the world. I watched them on another show on Netflix called Chefs Table. It showcases all the top 50 chefs of the world and talks about each of their stories and how they got where they are. I loved watching that, though I do need to catch up on it. I haven’t watched the last two seasons. I really enjoy watching shows that are not about the dramatization of everything. I think that is why I enjoy watching documentaries. It gives information without showing dramatization of the situations. It provides information and not someone trying to go after another for their own benefit. So, watching TV is not that high on my priorities list lol unless its documentaries. What TV shows do you like to watch?

Since being so depressed, the house looks a mess. I really need to clean it. I’ve just been trying to use what energy I have to do my homework. Even then, it’s not doing too well. I’m doing really well on ASL and history. PE is doing okay, I’m not failing the class, but I could do better. Math is suffering. But I’m also not doing very well with learning the information. He just doesn’t teach the material. I’m doing a group research project about Indian Gaming. I’m doing my part on the Spokane Tribe Casino located in Airway Heights, Washington. It’s just so close to Spokane, and there was a controversy about it being built. I wasn’t sure about what to do it on, so that’s what I picked. I want to talk about the controversy and about what the casino does for the community. So, basically, I want to analyze both sides of the dispute. I also found out that American Indians have the highest suicide rate among the different races in the country. I wish I could add something about that in my paper. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll do research about that on my own. I’d really like to take another English class. I just don’t know if I have enough extra credit points to take one. I know I need to use some for a computer class. But I think I have 10 extra credit points that I can do. I don’t know I meet with Cathy to talk to her about my classes this week on Wednesday.

I don’t feel like I did a very big post this week but I am trying to recover from an episode of depression.

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