I’m still alive lol

So, yeah… It’s been awhile sense I’ve done much.

I’ve been in a very difficult state of mind lately. It’s made it very difficult for me to keep doing things I enjoy. Hence why I haven’t posted I awhile…

I’m currently getting help to try and get myself out of this “funk” so to speak. Getting mental issues under control is exhausting. It’s exhausting trying to move through it dad after day. I am trying and doing everything I can to take control over my mind again. Of course it’s with the help of medication, that is much needed. I posted a couple videos on YouTube trying to talk about what I’m going through. So, yeah… I’m gonna try to post on there more… It’s just hard battling my own mind… Convincing myself to keep pushing… To keep fighting everyday… So I can’t promise to post all the time on there or here. Maybe after we get the right medication in me. I can get back on to doing things that make me happy.

So yeah, I’m going to behavioral therapy, taking the medications I’m being prescribed at therapy. So I’m on mood stabilizers and antidepressants. We’ll see if they want me to take anything else later on.

Probably wondering why I suddenly decided to be on medication and go to therapy. I’m bipolar. I ended up having a severe manic episode. Lets just say it took a toll on my mind, my marriage, and I was becoming a risk to myself. I care to much about my family. I know if something happens to me it’ll cause them pain and I don’t want that. I love my family. I love my husband. I knows there’s something out of balance in my brain. So I’m taking the steps to take control over it and not letting it control me and my life. So yeah…

Other than that this is what’s been going on.


I haven’t worn makeup much sense last year in June. I think I’ve worn it about four times sense then. I still collect it. I try and learn more about it. There’s only so much I can do without practicing. I’ll have to start doing it again to get better at it.

I did get a white foundation to mix in with my other foundations. Sense I’m so porcelain. It’s so hard to find foundations light enough for me that doesn’t cost an arm and leg. I’m thinking of saving up for the new Kat Von D foundation in 41 Light Neutral. The other one that was the lightest before that one was too pink for my skin. I need more neutral or yellow toned.

So yeah, hopefully I can get back into doing it here soon. I do miss it.


I’ve been watching Netflix a lot and Vudu. I do wonder if my husband ever gets annoyed with what I watch. I tend to watch the same thing over and over. I’m not sure why. The only thing I’ve been watching that hasn’t been repeats in Criminal Minds. I’m on the fifth season and there’s eleven soon to be twelve. Also been watching the Power Puff Girls lol. Gotta love feeling nostalgic (^_^) Other than that I’ve been hooked to Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, LOTR, The Hobbit and Of course Sweeney Todd. I switch back and for from Netflix and Vudu.

Oh yeah! I watched a movie on Netflix called Wolf Cop. It was a stupid but funny B horror movie. I can only wonder if they’re gonna come out with a second one.


Haven’t read much lately. What I did read was “Alice” By: Cristina Henry and I started “The Dragon Lords” By: Jon Hollins. He’s a new Author and that is his first book. I know it’s going to be a series I just don’t know how many books is gonna be in the series. It’s a good fantasy book. Fun so far. I’m not too far into it though. I also got the second book to the Alice series, “Red Queen”. I’m glad the series is only a two book series. I don’t have to wait a year and a half for the next one. The author is writing another book I’m interested in reading called “Lost Boy” It’s supposed to be a spin off of Peter Pan. “Alice” is a spin off of “Alice in Wonderland,” I really like the way she did the spin off of it. It has a good suspenseful twist to it. Very bloody through the book. Still interesting though.

So yeah, I haven’t read too much. If I read anything else I can’t think of it at the moment. Hopefully I can get back into it once I can get my mind taken care of.


Speaking of taking care of my mind. I’m looking into going back to school. I really want to feel useful. I want to feel like I’m accomplishing something. I’m looking into studying Science Biology. If I get my AA for it I can look into transferring to a four year college to get my masters. Though, we’ll see what happens. I figure I can get an AA in biology then I can look into all the fields it can lead into. I’m also thinking of learning ASL. If I decide to go into Zoology I can use it with chimps and gorillas. I just feel it would be very beneficial no matter what field I decide to go into.

So, I’m gonna start refreshing my memory with math and language arts. I haven’t done a lot of the math that I learned in school lol. I did get pretty high into math. So it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Just gotta refresh my memory. I think the main thing I might have issues with is keeping with taking notes. I’ll find out from my parent’s how hard it is to take notes lol. So yeah, my parents are going back to school for Horticulture. I’m happy for them. I’m gonna do what I can to help them if they need it.

What else??? Hmmm…..

I was down to 189lbs but getting on the meds I went back up to 210. We’re switching meds to keep me from gaining more. Especially sense I haven’t changed anything, sense starting them. They were also making me shake really bad. It was very difficult to do anything. I’m still shaking a bit but not as much as I was. Which is good. Hopefully it stops completely when I start the new meds. I’m being weaned off the ones right now. I start the new ones Saturday. These new ones are supposed to help with weight loss. We’ll see what happens.

Something funny is my friend wants to see me in pink hair. So the deal is I’ll dye my hair pink if someone pays for my next tattoo. She said she’s saving up lol. If you don’t know I have a thing about pink. It’s not something I like to wear. At. All. Needless to say it’s not my favorite color. That would be purple.

Hmmm…. can’t think of anything else for now. I’ll try and post again but no promises due to how my mind has been. Oh! If you want to see the videos I posted go here

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