Hope…

0


"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all."
Emily Dickinson

Another quote, another day. So, the meaning of this quote to me is. People who have hope within their hearts are those who always see’s the light and the good within life. They pray for good and happiness. I like this quote. It was the first one I read online so I chose to write my thought on it.

I have hope within myself. Always have. My hope is for happiness. Not only for myself but for those around me. I love my friends and family. I hope for them more so then myself.

Now on to other stuff, I finally got a hearing for SSI. It’s in may. Now just got to wait and see how it goes. If they deny me at this. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’ll prolly have to find someone to hire me who understands someone with seizures. Or just go back to school, I dunno. I’m just sick and tired of all this. I wish these never started in the first place. I wish I didn’t have them anymore. but it’s something I can only hope for.

I was gonna film a youtube video yesterday but my batteries died before I could. Always sucks. So, I gotta count change so I can buy some. That or ask someone if they have a couple that I can have for my camra.

i’m thinking about finding pictures of animals and doing my makeup inspired by them. My first look is going to be based off of the Golden Pheasent. If you don’t know what that animal is look it up. It’s one of the most beautiful birds I’ve seen. Not sure what animal I’m going to base my makeup off of next but I’ll look and see what I find. But when I do the look I’ll post the picture on here for ya to see.

So yeah, don’t got much else to talk about at the moment but I’ll post again when I got something on my mind. Anyways, till then. Laterz!

Blah Blah Blah….

0


Yes I’m still behind on making video’s but i’ll get  back to doing them here soon. I’ve been feeling alot better the past few days. Been trying to read. Also, been watching movies a lot. I have about 23 video’s planned out its just getting them filmed and uploaded and what not. So yeah, I got things sorted out its just getting around to doing them.

I was happy that I was able to dye my hair. Dyed it black again. Got tired of being half brown half black lol. Been doing my makeup as usual. Just haven’t practiced doing anything new. I should though…

The state cut down how much I’ll be getting every month again. how the hell do they expect a person to live off of $197 for a month. To be able to pay bills and to take care of themselves on that little bit. I think it’s just bull shit. I’m so tired of this. I hate that I can’t work. I hate that I’m limited on things. I would like to just get my life figured out so I can either go to school or get a job. I don’t want anything other then that. Why is that to much to ask for. But when I try to get all sorted out my body basically says fuck you. Then I end up having a seizure. It’s so messed up. I hate this. Oh well, I’ll get something figured out.

So there’s my rant for the day.

Well, I decided if I can get $50 to spend on my self I’m gonna get the other side of my lip pierced. I asked for my tounge pierced for my birthday. My mom said we’ll see if we can afford it that month. So yeah, I figure thats better then asking for a tattoo that can possibly cost up to $200. My brothers don’t think it’ll cost that much but I want to be on the safe side and have that much on me just in case.

Anywho’s, that’s pretty much it for now. I’ll try to do another post soon, but we’ll see. I only post when I got stuff to talk about. So yeah, till next time. Laterz!

Blah Blah Blah….

0


Yes I’m still behind on making video’s but i’ll get  back to doing them here soon. I’ve been feeling alot better the past few days. Been trying to read. Also, been watching movies a lot. I have about 23 video’s planned out its just getting them filmed and uploaded and what not. So yeah, I got things sorted out its just getting around to doing them.

I was happy that I was able to dye my hair. Dyed it black again. Got tired of being half brown half black lol. Been doing my makeup as usual. Just haven’t practiced doing anything new. I should though…

The state cut down how much I’ll be getting every month again. how the hell do they expect a person to live off of $197 for a month. To be able to pay bills and to take care of themselves on that little bit. I think it’s just bull shit. I’m so tired of this. I hate that I can’t work. I hate that I’m limited on things. I would like to just get my life figured out so I can either go to school or get a job. I don’t want anything other then that. Why is that to much to ask for. But when I try to get all sorted out my body basically says fuck you. Then I end up having a seizure. It’s so messed up. I hate this. Oh well, I’ll get something figured out.

So there’s my rant for the day.

Well, I decided if I can get $50 to spend on my self I’m gonna get the other side of my lip pierced. I asked for my tounge pierced for my birthday. My mom said we’ll see if we can afford it that month. So yeah, I figure thats better then asking for a tattoo that can possibly cost up to $200. My brothers don’t think it’ll cost that much but I want to be on the safe side and have that much on me just in case.

Anywho’s, that’s pretty much it for now. I’ll try to do another post soon, but we’ll see. I only post when I got stuff to talk about. So yeah, till next time. Laterz!

Couriousty…

0

Couriousty
Why does it bother me so to be so lonely
I am happy but I feel so alone.
I see couples together 
And wonder,
Why does no one want to be with me?
Why am i always along?
Why does it matter so much that I have someone?
The answer?
Is couriousty.
I want to know what it means to love.
To receive that love in return.
How it feels to have someone there
When no one else will.
To have someone see me
No matter how hard I try to hide me.
To have someone hold me
When I cry
Or just when I smile.
To just want to feel me in their arms
I feel I want to much.
Why do I feel so alone?
By: me

0


"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."


Yup I got another quote up. I’ve prolly posted this one before but oh well I like it. I don’t have many thoughts on it that I can share at this moment. I suppose its more of a personal meaning to me then anything.

Okay, what a week. Found out 2 ppl I know are prego. Can’t believe it. One of them I never expected it. But the other was expected, just wondered when it would happen. I’m wondering who’s gonna be next after all this.

I’ve been trying to find mentel distractions so I can stop thinking of Nick in such a intimate way. Been drawing, watching movies I’ve never seen and thinking about my books. Also thinking about looks I want to try with makeup. Prolly gonna start reading books that I haven’t read before just to distract me as well. Especially after I almost kissed him that one night. I really have been trying to keep my mind busy. So I can maintain a friendship with him. I told him that if he ever changes his mind about us and wants to be more I’d be more then willing to. But otherwise I’m gonna just be a good friend and seek out someone else. So yeah, but I’m not on those dating sites anymore. A person can only handle talking to so many jerks before they feel like punching someone. Hard to find a decent man to be with now a days.

Anyways, I’m mostly posting this cuz I’m bored and I got nothing else to do. Well, I’m watching interview with a vampire and been drawing off and on all day. Now on here just for something else to do. Maybe  I should snoop around on the net for some stupid random facts about something.

Anywhos, till next time. Laterz!

Random thoughts…

0


I really know how to get behind on this don’t I? Well, for this entry i’m just gonna talk about random crap. So here I go…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Been thinking about books I like and want to read. Also, books that I’ve been thinking about working on. But for some reason I just keep coming up with background story idea’s for the characters in my books. In particular my Sci-fi book. Theres a caracter in it named Geo. He’s a doctor to the King in the book. I’ve thought about his past and the past wars he was in. My thoughts just keep swirling around and around.  I really should work on my Vampire mermaid story. I still find that to be an interesting story that has yet to be told. It’s just finding the main plot to it and sticking to it like glue. I really enjoy that story. Maybe I should just write and write on it till something pops up and I’ll have an entire back story and everything doing that. That sounds like a good idea. It’ll just seem like a very random book with no point to it. If I could draw really good I’d make it into a manga. even though it has no point thats ok. theres manga’s out there that are pointless but still good. I’ve also been thinking about poetry. Wondering why its been so long sense I wrote any. I really should get back into it. It’s been a bouple years sense I wrote my last poem. wow. Oh well I’ll think of something. Just as long as I can find inspiration. Hmm what else is there? why am I suddenly thinking about penguins? <.< anyways… not sure what else to put so till next time. Laterz!

Makeup….

0

I got an eye shadow pallete from hot topic. I’ve never really tried their shadows. But I have to say I really liked this pallete. Heres a picture of the shadow’s I used from it. Must say that blue looks really good on me.  I’m also wearing a very light pink lip stick and gloss. i have a rosey cheeck tint on. Of course I have a very light foundation on. My skin is farely pale so I’m surprised when I find one that looks good on me. I wanted to keep this look light. Oh and I’m not wearing any falseis. Don’t wear them cuz my lashes are long as is. I’m gonna try to get more palletes from hot topic. I want to try out more eyeshadows and other makeup they have to offer.

0


"I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best."
Marilyn Monroe 

I have yet another quote. This quote to me basically means, if you can’t handle me at my worse moment is life then you don’t deserve me with my best moments in life. To except a person for the good and the bad and all in between. I like this quote.

Well, I went and saw the movie Rango with Cin. I really liked it. I mean it wasn’t as funny as i thought it would be but it was still good. Johnny Depp did a good job. But I don’t know of any movies I don’t like him in lol. I also got four Disney movies for $8 in all. I joined the Disney movie club. The only catch is I have to buy 5 disney movies at full price before I can cancle my subscription to it. But that’s ok I don’t mind. I love Disney movies.

Hung out with Nick last night. I felt bad after, cause I had to stop myself from kissing him. He walked me up to the door as usual and we hugged a friends hug. And what can I say my mind left for a moment. But I caught myself. Don’t want to do anything to screw up our friendship. I need to push aside those feelings for him to I can acknowledge him as a friend from now on. I mean I know I’ll always have those feeling but I want to push them back and keep myself from acting on them. So yeah, otherwise it was nice to talk to him and hang out for a little while. 


So next month I only know for sure of one book thats coming out that I can reserve. But I hope the other one comes out too that I’ve been waiting for. But we can only wait and see what happens.

Anyways, I’m not sure what else to put on here so I’m gonna just shut up for now. Till next time. Laterz!

Quotes

0


"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
Marilyn Monroe

"It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not."
André Gide

 

"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love."
Marilyn Monroe

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever."
Alfred Lord Tennyson

"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."

Marilyn Monroe

These are just some quotes I saw and liked. Debated on putting in what they mean to me. But decided not to. Instead tell me what they mean to you. So, untill next time. Laterz!


0


Okay, I just wanted to do a small post sense I haven’t posted anything for a few days. So heres a quote,

"Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. "
Robert Fripp

I don’t know what this quote really means to me I just like it lol. Music is beautiful, and rich as the soul. Those who listen to music listen to the hearts of others. I feel music should be heard from the heart and not the mind. It’s so beautiful.

I got my mind on music as you can see. I’m listening to some R&B soul right now on tv and i forgot how much I like it. It’s relaxing. Then again I love all music. It all moves me and sways with my moods. So elegant.

Anyways, I just wanted to post that. So yeah, till next time. Laterz!